Be honest, but tactful, about serial heartbreaker

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This article was published 23/01/2022 (1688 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My sensitive daughter was dating a good-looking boy from our town off and on for a year. He’d break up with her and date someone else, then he’d come back into my daughter’s waiting arms. It drove me nuts!

His family moved to the city, leaving my daughter heartbroken. They tried to do some long-distance dating, but he doesn’t have his own car.

He had girlfriends since Grade 8, but he was my daughter’s first real love. He called the other night to tell her she should move on, and date other people. She was crying and raised her voice, and I could hear her begging him not to end things for good, but he did. She’s absolutely devastated.

I’ve tried talking to her, but she yelled at me: “You never liked him and you’re happy he moved away. Now he’s broken up with me forever!” She’s right about my opinion of him, but what can I do to help my girl?

— Upset Mom, Manitoba

Dear Upset Mom: She wants the truth from you, as softly as you can give it. You might say: “I hurt because you are hurting. I love you, and my instinct is to want to protect you. And you’re right, I didn’t like this boy because he hurt you repeatedly. Soon, you’ll meet a better guy who loves you back, but first you have to let this one go.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve had it with empty promises! My new husband holds on tight to his money when it’s something I want, telling me the reasons we shouldn’t buy it.

He’s even stooped to new lows of blaming me, saying if I hadn’t spent money on something else we’d be able to buy what I’d asked him about. He shames me and scolds me like a child! It’s not like we can’t afford it. I know what he has in the bank.

With two years of COVID restrictions, I feel life is passing us by. At our age, I want to build some beautiful memories between us before we are too old and just have regrets.

A huge bank account makes him feel secure. For what? For whom? To will to his adult children who only call when they need something? He’s quick to hand money out to them, because he wants to please them. (I don’t have any children of my own.)

I’ve been promised a cabin to make our own for the past four years. Then, when summer approaches, the retreat is once again taken off the table. I found a few possibilities for cottages this week for my husband to look at. He again said, “Not a good time!”

I’ve completely lost it! Why can’t he see we only have part of our life left to live? Why not make it the best life during the healthy years we have left? Sadly, I’m wanting more out of life than he wants! I’m not content with sitting on the couch watching TV. I don’t feel he’s going to change. Any suggestions on what I can do or say to open his eyes?

— Frustrated Wife, Transcona

Dear Frustrated: You mention nothing about what you are contributing to the finances in this marriage. Is your second husband completely supporting you?

If that’s the case, he may feel like he needs to have enough money for both of you, and if he should die, money to keep you to the end of your days. How about dialing back your desire for a cabin you own to an all-summer rental? That would be reasonable, and might work for both of you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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