Secret love is going public, like it or not

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This article was published 30/01/2022 (1701 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started seeing a guy a few months ago and have managed to keep it a secret so far. Why? He’s my close friend’s older brother.

Conveniently, because of the pandemic and the fact we can’t really go out, we’re getting along like a house on fire. If this relationship turns out to be “it” — and I think it might — I could end up being “sisters” with my best friend.

But, if it doesn’t work out, and her brother and I hurt each other (and it comes out publicly) my friend is going to hate me for being a sneak and for hurting her brother.

He told me last night he’s tired of sneaking and wants us to be open about being a couple. I’d rather hide in the warmth of secrecy because his sister/my girlfriend is going to feel like she’s been tricked — and she has. I guess I’m a bad friend.

My thought is, why can’t we keep on sneaking until we know if the relationship is going to stick? If it doesn’t and we break up, isn’t it better nobody knows at all?

— Preferring the Secret, St. Boniface

Dear Secret: It’s hard enough keeping a secret when both people really need to — as in an extramarital affair — but you don’t need to.

Now that your new boyfriend wants to reveal what’s going on — to his sister and other family and friends who may already be guessing — he’s not going to be as careful.

Have you considered that other people — including his sister — may already be suspicious after two months? It’d be best to reveal the truth now, rather than drag this on longer and have your best friend find out from someone else.

She’d feel you treated her like a fool with all your evasions and lies, as you’ve been busy all this time conducting a hot relationship with her brother.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a single-again dad with one small child and an ex-wife who’s acting ridiculously. It was bad enough when neither of us had anyone else, but now she has a “boyfriend” who’s six or seven years younger than she is, and 10 years younger me.

Now my ex-wife is talking about him moving in with her and my son next month. He doesn’t even have a full-time job yet — just works nights delivering food. He’s been living at his mom’s house, until this handy-dandy opportunity came up.

That means I (the guy who’s paying her apartment rent) will be paying for him to live there with her!

She has a job, working online from home. She says he has offered to babysit our little boy while she’s busy working at her computer in the bedroom. Really? How do I know he’s not a creep?

— Just Losing It, Downtown

Dear Losing It: The thing that may be irritating you most is losing some of your boy’s affection to the new guy who’ll be looking after him. That’s understandable. But, you needn’t worry so much about safety. Your ex-wife will be right there in the apartment.

While you might be happier if your son went out to someone else’s home for babysitting, the child is actually better at home health-wise these days. Also, then nobody has to go out in the frigid weather to ferry him to and from the sitter.

While you pay for the apartment, you don’t mention paying for food and other expenses, which your ex-wife must look after.

Would you feel better if you paid your ex-wife a certain amount of support each month and the apartment rental money did not come straight out of your bank account? Then she won’t feel like a kept woman and you won’t feel so much like you’re supporting her new guy.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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