Don’t get bogged down ruing bygones

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/02/2022 (1621 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was married to my high school sweetheart for 17 years. We had no children, as we really wanted to focus on our careers. Outside of work, we had a boring lifestyle, and an even more boring vanilla sex life. That was not for my lack of trying.

After many years of feeling like life was passing me by, I left our marriage. Now, I hear that my ex has a new lady in his life and is doing all the things I’d been begging him to do with me!

What really hit me hard this week was hearing from the wife of his best buddy that he and his new woman are going on a romantic holiday to a place I always wanted him to take me — but he refused to go.

What is going on? Why didn’t he want to do these things with me? I’m feeling so hurt and confused.

— Help Me Understand, Windsor Park

Dear Help Me: You left him, so this particular destination could be a shot. Or not! Stop letting it get to you. When a couple’s marriage has already gone sour, a “romantic” trip is probably going to flop and he side-stepped that.

Travelling with someone you’re not enjoying spending time with anymore can feel like a jail sentence in a remote resort. At home, couples have work, family, friends, and activities — even if they don’t have each other.

You need to rally so you can enjoy friends and activities, and smile again for real. Once you heal, you’ll be ready to meet someone new, fun and turned on to you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love my work, but I’m smarter than my boss. She resents my finding solutions she couldn’t think of herself. She’s also jealous of my clever ways with difficult people. So, she finds little things to pick at, when I present a great new project.

I’d hoped she’d retire early during COVID, but that’s not happening. Now COVID is receding and opportunities in the business world will be opening up, and I wonder if I should look elsewhere, or try somehow to win her over.

— Frustrated at Every Turn, Downtown

Dear Frustrated: Don’t think your boss doesn’t sense what you really want — a job in the big pond, possibly leap-frogging her.

If you know where you want to end up in your career, start looking for alternate ways to climb the ladder in outside companies. If you refocus away from your present boss’s path upwards, she might end up giving you the glowing reference you need — to get rid of you! Then everybody wins.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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