Time to lay both your cards on the table

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/02/2022 (1350 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend depends on the love advice of multiple card readers. If one doesn’t tell her what she wants to hear, she’ll consult several others.

Why doesn’t she trust her own feelings and make her own decisions, or just ask me what I think and feel? I feel like she and her “psychic” friends are at a party I wasn’t invited to — and they’re all talking about me.

Her “readers” don’t even have paying customers. They’re her girlfriends, who’ve received cards for birthday presents.

I used to really love my girlfriend — told her that all the time — but I’m not feeling it the same now all her friends are up in our business. They probably know every single detail about me.

— Unwilling Topic of Conversation, Wolseley

Dear Unwilling Topic: Your girlfriend invites her card-reading friends to listen to her love problems because she has confused thoughts and feelings. Besides, the readings are fun, and it’s cool to be in the spotlight.

She knew what you thought of her when you told her you loved her all the time. Did she also express love feelings towards you then?

No doubt she can feel you pulling away now. Her confused state is perfect for another reading or three to find out which direction she should go.

Since her feelings for you are not clear, and yours are on the wane, it’s time for you to insist on a deep talk — just the two of you to figure it out.

Mention the lack of privacy she introduced to the relationship by consulting her friends about your personal business, instead of talking to you. That’s a little lesson she needs to learn.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’ve been seeing the same “financially challenged” man for years, and I’ve been paying for most of the entertainment.

At a recent bridge party with his two sisters, one of them casually asked about his inheritance investment.

“What inheritance?” I asked, in surprise. It turns out it was a large sum each of the three siblings received, the year before we started going out. He’s never mentioned it.

After the party, he thought he defended himself by saying he “invested” his money. Then he made a worse mistake — boasting he’d done very well with it.

That cheapskate has let me pay the lion’s share of our dating expenses the whole time and didn’t even apologize. He has his own little house and a full-time job. He often whines about how little he makes — a piddling $5,000 less than I do. I am shocked. What kind of boyfriend does this?

— Feeling Used, West End

Dear Feeling Used: It’s interesting you two have been going out a long time and you’ve paid for most of it, without balking.

He obviously doesn’t want a serious adult commitment where he’d be happy to pay his share. At least, he could have been honest about his money situation and not taken a you for a sneaky ride. The only question is, how much longer do you want to be with a user like this?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Our little children visited with their grandparents for a weekend, so my husband and I spent some time together alone.

In an unguarded moment, he said he wished we were “still free like this, with no children around.”

I felt the tears coming and ran to the bathroom. He pounded on the locked door, but I stayed there until I stopped crying. Those kids mean everything to me. I went through a whole lot he didn’t to carry them, give birth to them and nurse them.

Things were tough in the beginning, but now they’re pretty good. I guess he doesn’t feel that way deep down.

— Hurting and Upset Mom, Riverview

Dear Hurting: “Deep down” are the key words. Your husband was talking off the top of his head. Lots of parents — men and women — voice these giddy opinions at the start of an adult holiday.

When they get them back, the ones who complained most about the “darn kids,” are often the first ones running to the youngsters.

Deep down, the children mean everything to most parents. But, at the beginning of a holiday without them, they feel a sudden freedom and energy they don’t usually have.

Don’t take your husband’s statement so seriously. Tired parents sometimes say things like that, but in their hearts they don’t really mean it.

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