No shame in taking up nickname game

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This article was published 13/03/2022 (1609 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I made a big mistake. I called my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend’s name when we were getting intimate. I swore I was not thinking about my old girlfriend at that moment. She said, “Riiiight!” and then got dressed and left. It was an understandable mistake, I think, as their names are very similar. She knew my old girlfriend from sports.

My new girlfriend says she thinks I’m not over my ex yet. I really am! In fact, I never want to see her face again. So, why am I in so much trouble over one little mistake with my new girlfriend? I really like her. Why are women so touchy?

— One Little Mistake, St. Vital

Dear Mistake: In moments of passion, people sometimes lose the use of their brain filter. In your case the two ladies’ names were similar — an even bigger hazard. This messy situation you’re in is the reason why experienced people who have broken up recently, call new partners by pet names like “Honey” or “Sweetheart” for a time. Women don’t want to be called nicknames or pet names all the time, but in early days, you’re better to stick with what’s safe.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife has a private office in the basement. She usually locks the door on it “so the kids don’t go in.” On Saturday I was home, and something went wrong with the plumbing. I went down to the basement to try to fix it. My wife yelled from upstairs she was going to the grocery store, and ran out quickly — forgetting her computer was open and the office door unlocked.

I decided to snoop. I wished I hadn’t. She’d been talking to her ex-husband online. According to him he’s quit drinking and has straightened up his act. He had the nerve to ask her if she’d consider “coming back home to be a real family again.” She hadn’t written a response yet, but then where did she go in such a hurry?

When she got home, I told her I’d read his letter, and she lit into me for invading her privacy. I asked her where she’d actually gone and she said: “To the store, of course. I have three bags of groceries on the counter upstairs.”

Now she’s hardly talking to me. I don’t know what to do.

— Uneasy Second Husband, Selkirk

Dear Uneasy: You need to have a difficult talk with your wife — with no kids under the roof. Your wife’s first husband has basically announced he wants her back, to fulfil the dream she thought had died. That might be heady stuff for her. She may still have feelings for the man he used to be, before his alcohol problem. Or maybe your wife’s feelings for him are truly dead, and you’re safe. Either way, you have a right to know.

These emotional talks often go better in a relationship counsellor’s office. Talk to your wife about making an emergency appointment for the two of you, and offer to make the phone call to book it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My 11-year-old boy likes to go next door to his auntie’s place. She’s single and also loves video games. He can get away with playing a lot of extra hours in a week that we wouldn’t allow at home.

I don’t want trouble with my sister-in-law, but my temperature is on the rise. She and my son are very close, as she’s done a lot of his babysitting. How should I handle this?

— Annoyed Mom, Portage la Prairie

Dear Annoyed: Tell your sister-in-law how many hours per week your son is allowed to play video games. Let her know he’s been using her — his dear auntie — to get around those rules. Make an agreement on the amount of time he can play at her house. Unfortunately, she may find out he doesn’t want to come over as much. But, if he really loves his aunt, they’ll be able to find other things to do together.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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