Keep wedding intimate to avoid stress, strife

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/03/2022 (1654 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sweetheart and I fell in love almost instantly. We’re going to get married in my garden as soon as the warm weather comes. We’re seniors and both lost our mates to cancer — and we don’t have time to waste. How do we figure out who to invite, and who not to invite? Not everybody is happy about this marriage.

— Worried About Guests, Tuxedo

Dear Worried: Thinking of other people’s feelings is the way to go. Not everybody wants to be invited to your second wedding — especially if they’re still getting over your deceased mate. You certainly don’t need all the grandchildren and their parents at this wedding.

Call it your “tiny wedding.” It’s just for yourselves, with a couple of best friends and certain family members you’re very close with, and would truly be happy for you.

Enjoy getting married amongst the flowers in your yard with a light lunch and a few toasts. Then take off a few hours later for a little holiday somewhere special to you two. That way you honour your new marriage and minimize hurt.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is cool to me, and warm to my sisters. I look just like my mother did 20 years ago, and she still tries to compete with me at family parties. There’s an animosity there I just don’t understand. Why is she nice to the others, and not to her “mini-me”?

— Don’t Get It, St. Vital

Dear Don’t Get It: Your mother may feel a sense of direct competition with you, because of your resemblance to her when she was younger. As she ages, she probably resents the differences more. There’s nothing you can do about this except love her from a little distance at parties, and understand her insecurities.

If people bring up the similarity between you, change the topic to something else before anybody responds. In that way, you protect your mom instead of her feeling like you’re competing with her. She might begin to see the pattern and appreciate your behaviour.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met a sweet local guy on my solo trip to Mexico, and he’s been messaging me and phoning me ever since. At first he said he was “in love” with me. But, as my return messages were getting scarce, he finally got to the point. He needed some money.

I sent him a little bit, and he was so grateful he sent me a poem he’d written with my name in it. He continues to write and be sweet, but I want it to stop now. What do I do?

— Goodbye Girl, Winnipeg

Dear Goodbye Girl: Yes, the time has probably come to say goodbye — but not to be rude about it, as some people can be in these situations. Thank this man for the romantic time you spent together in Mexico, and for his letters. Let him know you are saying goodbye now and wish him the best for the future. Be honest enough to tell him you’re going to close your connections to him online.

There’s no need to be brutal like some people can be after they have a beach romance in another country. Yes, this young man asked you for a little money, but you are likely much better off financially than he is.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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