Don’t keep playing standby for fiancée’s troubled ex

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This article was published 21/03/2022 (1330 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My love life is over now that my fiancée has gone back to live with her ex-husband.

Her creep of an ex finally quit drinking, but not until she’d found happiness and a new life with me, in my home. He was so jealous he couldn’t stand it!

I saw her again last night. She says her ex has gone back to being the “sweet and thoughtful man he was” before he lost his job, and “took refuge” in the bottle. I wanted to throw up.

The news gets worse. Now that he’s sober, he’s found himself another good job — at the same level. Everybody’s lining up to reward the guy who was such a jerk that he drank away his marriage. Can you blame me for being bitter?

She told me she’d like to “remain” friends. We were never “friends.” We were lovers, and about to get married.

— Feeling Used, Wolseley

Dear Feeling Used: You are right to cut ties completely, and deny this woman the gift of friendship. Why would you want to have a front-row seat to her renewed marriage?

You played the role of confidant and lover in her post-breakup life. Unfortunately for you, the husband was always her first choice if he’d just straighten up and fly right. She seems to want you as a standby, just in case.

Professional counselling would help to speed up your recovery, and help with the bitter feelings. When you’re finally getting your life together again, you’ll need to look for a different kind of woman — not a wounded bird. You’ve had too much of that.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had to laugh when I read the letter from the man who called his new girlfriend by his old girlfriend’s name!

My husband was completely over his old girlfriend when we dated, but emotional experiences can disconnect your brain from your mouth.

He actually called me by her name at our marriage ceremony. It was weird, but funny. The guests all asked “Who’s Laura?”

We’ll be celebrating our 30th anniversary this August.

— Sense of Humour, Manitoba

Dear Sense of Humour: Lucky for your husband you could laugh off that mistake at the altar. And it’s a good thing most of the crowd didn’t know dear Laura!

I suggest people call new love interests by pet names like “Honey” and “Sweetheart” until they’re sure not to mess things up, but a marriage ceremony doesn’t allow for that kind of silliness.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Winter has been so long and hard. I wanted to enjoy summer activities early, so I just rented a cabin at a lake for 10 days in early July as a gift for my new boyfriend and me.

I told him about it last night and his face looked kind of sour. He said it was a nice gesture, but he’s “not big on hot cabins and crowded beaches.”

I don’t know what to do now. Should I try to get my money back or change it to a girlfriends’ getaway? My feelings for him are definitely changing after he rejected my beautiful gift, and spat on lake life.

— Deflated Beach Ball

Dear Deflated: There’s no sense in depriving yourself of a lake adventure. You love the lake, but the new boyfriend doesn’t, so keep that rental for your own fun — and invite your family and friends out a few days at a time. Or, you could share it with a friend or two and split the cost.

It’ll still be fun to go! This boyfriend who doesn’t care for lake life has passed his “best before” date and won’t likely be in the summer picture anyway.

Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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