Be kind but clear to regain privacy from mom

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This article was published 25/03/2022 (1326 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother came to visit during COVID and asked if we’d mind if she extended her stay with us for a little while. She is still here, and it’s been two whole months!

Her house sits empty on the other side of town. She’s a younger retired grandmother, so she frequently drives her snazzy car back for mail and to check on things.

We want our privacy back, especially my poor wife who told me she finds the second grown woman in the household “redundant.” My mother has old-fashioned views and feels free to express them, often telling us how she’d handle things with the kids.

I want her out, too, but don’t know how to approach it. How do you kick your own mother out? By the way, she’s in better health than I am!

— Had Enough, Winnipeg

Dear Had Enough: Your mother doesn’t expect to stay forever. In fact, she may be expecting to be asked to go at some point soon, though she’s hanging on because she doesn’t want to leave all the action.

So, have the talk with her alone — with your wife out of the house. Tell her it was nice having her visit, but the worst of COVID is over and you’re going to help her with her suitcases to head back home.

Tell her there’s no need for her to “say goodbye” to the grandkids as you will pick her up within the week for an outing with the kids, and see her for dinners regularly.

Do it this way instead of a drawn-out emotional exit where she feels she has to say “goodbye” to the kids, and there could be tears. This will be easier for your wife too.

When you get to Mom’s house, say, “How about you and I take the kids out somewhere fun on the weekend?” Your wife probably needs some time all alone when she finally gets her house and privacy back.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a daily bicycle rider, even in winter. My boyfriend thinks it’s “dangerous” until the snow is all gone. We are stupidly fighting, and we live together.

I go out anyway, putting my bike on the car roof until I get to a park. Then I’m perfectly safe to ride. How can I convince my guy to let go of the crazy idea I’m going to get creamed by a car?

— Girlfriend of a Worrywart, River Heights

Dear Girlfriend: To bike or not to bike, is your decision. Still, you love your worrywart and he needs to see for himself you’ll be OK. So, take him and his bike with you to the park ASAP.

He’ll see you’re safe and the vision of your being squashed like a bug will fade away. With any luck, spring will be in full swing by April, and you two can bike all over town together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s been very hard being single without a partner during COVID. I’m dying to meet somebody, but I won’t settle. I was talking about this with my closest friend, and it was a big mistake. She phoned back two days later with not one, but two guys she’d lined up to meet me.

I was horrified! I needed time to think about it and told her so. Now her nose is out of joint, because she has to tell them it may not happen. Whose fault is this anyway?

— Not Apologizing to Her, Wolseley

Dear Not Apologizing: You are in the right. Your friend should have asked you for permission before she went out shopping for dates for you.

Her heart may have been in the right place, but she’s put you in an awkward position. You have the right to say no, and you can exercise it. She will have to tell the two guys she didn’t have your permission ahead of time.

Having said that, you’ve learned you can’t complain to a “can-do” type of friend about the loneliness of not having a mate. Given her nature, that kind of friend will want to help you stop the pain.

Thank her for trying to help you, even though this problem is one you really needed to handle yourself.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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