Self-employment could sort serial job-jumper

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This article was published 08/08/2022 (1463 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My boyfriend keeps quitting his jobs. It seems like he always finds something to get seriously upset about within the first six to 12 months and then spends a month or two unemployed while trying to find something else.

He always finds another job, but man, are those unemployed weeks stressful! I wish he would just find something and stick with it.

I understand not wanting to be unhappy at work, but when he just walks out in a huff, it seems so immature. Other people get disrespected at work sometimes, but they just deal with it. His tolerance for criticism is low, but he needs to just deal with it.

We aren’t married, but we do live together. I can’t handle this many more times. Should I just leave him and look for someone with more people skills and stable employment?

I must say he can’t be bested in the love and sex departments, but the strain on our relationship is growing worse with each job he quits.

— Living With a Big Baby, Winnipeg

Dear Living With A Big Baby: An emotional guy can make for a hot lover, but a difficult employee. Some people are just not meant to work for bosses for the rest of their lives. The good news? He’s great at showing his love for you and satisfying you sexually, and that counts for a lot in this tough world. You certainly don’t seem ready to throw this man over, so help him work out something that suits his personality.

If he can make a solo business out of the parts of his work he generally enjoys, or if he can develop something totally new, like a business online, he could be his own boss. Then he wouldn’t have to work for people who will always, at some point, have some criticism to offer.

Even if he can’t develop a full-time business for himself and has to work for other people, a small side gig with steady customers — even if it’s physical work like lawn-care or home snow removal — can get you two over those periods where he’s quit his last employer in a huff. However, he has to develop and keep serving at least a small customer base, so he isn’t starting from scratch when he loses the next job. You could help him with flyers, online advertising and a charming, unflappable phone presence. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My partner loves to party and I really don’t anymore. We never explicitly agreed to a time when we’d settle down and stop partying, but we got together so young (22 and 23) and we were dating based on the potential we saw in each other. God knows we weren’t doing anything productive at that point!

The drinking and drugs aren’t causing any actual problems. My partner got his two degrees and has a great career, and he’s fantastic with family and his friends. He just enjoys getting “messed up” and going to parties every weekend.

The problem is the pandemic allowed me to discover how much I enjoy a quieter life, and unfortunately, to see how much my partner has been excited to get back to the partying!

I don’t go most of the time, and he doesn’t force me to, but I can’t help but wonder when he’ll slow down, if ever. I see mid-30s people at these raves and can’t help but look down on them. It’s as if they never moved on from their youth, and are clinging to it. On some level, that’s pathetic, at least to me. How do I approach this?

— Silent Disco, West End

Dear Silent Disco: You can only win if you approach this with good alternatives. If your partner’s partying is replaced with weekend trips, sports, music festivals and adventures that include more people, you could expand both your worlds. Getting involved in volunteering at festivals or charity events of different kinds might work for the two of you, together.

If you just complain to your partner about his going partying with old friends — most often without you — he’s going to respond with something like this: “And you’re offering what on the weekends? Staying home to do nothing?” If you want your partner to let go of something, try introducing something more interesting.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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