Ex breaking silence is likely just part of game

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This article was published 24/09/2022 (1426 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Fifteen days into another awful fight with my lesbian girlfriend, she still hadn’t talked to me. We’d often gotten to the point where we hardly talked, but I simply can’t take her total, unending silences. She’s so stubborn! I didn’t know how long she could hold out this time, and we were living in her house. So, after two weeks of crying and begging her to talk, I packed and moved into my best friend’s basement suite.

My girlfriend has not come after me to make up. She owns her little house, so I guessed that was it. I asked her for my stuff in a phone message I left, and she left me a message back: “Come and get it. I’ll leave the house open tonight.” Ten words, that was it.

I got a friend with a van and we moved my stuff out to my basement suite. That night I actually signed a rental agreement for six months, minimum, and agreed to pay half the utilities. Now that’s done, and my ex-girlfriend heard about it, she decided she wants to talk to me. Should I?

My mom and my friends tell me not to, because she’s emotionally unstable, punishes me with silence and messes with my head. They say she’s given me her problems. I used to be the mature one, and so sensible. Now I cry a lot and doubt myself and my opinions. My mom says she’s been afraid for me for months.

— Such a Terrible Mess, south Winnipeg

Dear Such a Mess: It’s often harder to get free of a manipulative person than other types. One day you’ll be glad this happened, because you needed to break free of this woman, who was emotionally torturing you. It’s time to recover with help from healthy friends and loving family.

You also need serious counselling help, to regain your freedom and confidence in your own thoughts. If you ask your family for anything, ask them for money to help you with that, if you don’t have it yourself. Psychiatrists are covered by provincial health care, but the wait list is often long. Psychologists and relationship counsellors could offer good help, although they charge for treatment, and can’t prescribe medication. Your physician could help with medication, and finding you good counselling.

If you don’t have medical help such as a regular physician already in place, consider connecting with the Women’s Health Clinic (204-947-1517 or womenshealthclinic.org). Their clientele is female — of all ages and sexual orientations. They offer appointments and walk-ins, with some in the evenings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is an exhibitionist and that’s what attracted me to her. I like to “show what I’ve got” too. I met her at the bar where she was wearing see-through black lingerie from the waist up. I was wearing a black mesh shirt you could also see through. I was more than OK with flaunting “our stuff” on the dance floor, but I’ve found out since that for her it’s a major obsession.

She wants me to drive her around at night, so she can flash people. I’m smart enough to know it wouldn’t be fun if we got caught. What else could we do? I don’t want to lose her.

— Met My Match, West End

Dear Met My Match: A session with someone who does boudoir photography might satisfy your girlfriend’s need for nudity and exhibition. The trouble is, these shoots can be expensive, and boudoir photographer likely won’t shock easily. (Part of her thrill is to jar people, as you know.)

Your girlfriend might enjoy a session with each of you as photographers, taking pictures of one other, both indoors and outdoors but in more private places. It could get sketchy outdoors if other people are in the vicinity, as they might be very upset! Nude beaches in the province are beautiful and a safer bet as a backdrop. But, you only have a few weeks left of warmth before it gets too cold to be an enjoyable project.

Please send questions to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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