Best to focus on the positive after nuptial nadir

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This article was published 30/09/2022 (1451 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Two years ago, my husband cheated on me with a former co-worker of his. While it wasn’t my proudest moment, I forgave him.

I recently discovered he has been sending her erotic messages on his work phone. I want to disappear into nothingness from embarrassment, after what I read.

I almost feel like I deserve this. Of course, he was going to do it again! He got away with it before.

I’m going to file for divorce this time, and told him and our two grown kids. He just smirked. In fact, he looked like a guy who was just told he was getting out of jail early. That brought my confidence down even further.

I feel like I need to get out and have a rebound relationship, and feel sexy and single again. Is this a bad idea? I’m older now and I feel like it’s not exactly appropriate. Help!

— Embarrassed and Emotional, south Winnipeg

Dear Embarrassed and Emotional: It’s hard to punish a guy who’s proved he doesn’t care, so forget a rebound move with any kind of vengeful intent. It’s a waste of your time.

Instead, it’s definitely time to get yourself free and reward yourself for getting out of this relationship. Rewards could include a trip to a vacation spot this fall with a fun pal or taking a course in something only you would get a kick out of.

Want to feel better about yourself quickly? Pick a charity, roll up your sleeves and get involved helping out as a volunteer. In other words, make this fall all about building yourself up.

Try to stop wasting time thinking about this guy who was a mistake, in the end. Human beings all make mistakes. The goal is to make different ones, and make them less time-consuming. For instance, forgiving people who have betrayed you? No more! No second chances at disrespecting you and breaking your heart.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My summer bride has been muttering something I thought was, “Oh baby, oh baby!” and I thought she was having erotic dreams about me. I grinned at her over breakfast and said, “I overheard you moaning, ‘Oh baby!’”

At first she looked at me in a funny way, kind of confused. Then her face cleared and she said, “I have been dreaming a lot about having a baby. It’s time now. We’re finally married.”

My face fell. I was thinking about a long, romantic honeymoon — and she is already wanting a baby and diapers?

She always liked other peoples’ babies. I was not so drawn to their little red faces, to be honest. She’d hold them and coo at them. In the car, I’d remind her we shouldn’t have babies — until we were married.

She suddenly stopped talking about babies, and got more and more amorous. I proposed to her in a weak moment of wanting more of that treatment for life!

Now I suspect she actually plotted to charm me into a marriage and children. My “married before babies” rule is back to bite me in the butt. How can I stave off the baby thing for a few more years? I do love this woman, a lot.

— Unwilling Daddy, St. James

Dear Unwilling: You’ve already had the “few more years” my friend, and your wife can’t help what she dreams about. In fact, she’s been daydreaming about babies with you for some time.

If she just wanted a baby, and the daddy didn’t have to be you, she’d have dumped you and found a different guy who was nuts about having children. They do exist, and in great number.

You have something else to consider if you’re going to berate your wife about wanting babies. She might feel she was duped and that you never actually wanted babies to share the limelight with you. Then she might feel like walking — and do it while she’s young enough to still have a few babies.

Yes, I said “a few.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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