Your first step in disentangling is being honest

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/09/2022 (1404 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m finding it hard to stay with my girlfriend of five years, but I feel like there’s so much pressure on me to stay with her! I’m close with her family, she’s close with mine and we own a lot of things together — including a loan. We also live together in a house her parents own.

It’ll be just a mess if I pull the plug, but I feel like I can’t hang in there any longer. We aren’t having sex and she’s getting more comfortable with being rude to me. Please give me hope! Is there a way to get out of a situation like this? Where do I start?

— Feeling Seriously Trapped, southwest Winnipeg

Dear Seriously Trapped: First, start reminding yourself you need to stop wasting your and your girlfriend’s valuable time. That’ll put you in the right frame of mind to get yourself disentangled. You’re each getting in the way of your futures.

Second, the house situation is definitely not a tragedy. Your girlfriend might invite a friend or two to be housemates, which will help her meet fun new people. Either that or she’ll get her own apartment, and have an intimate nest for entertaining new friends and possibly a new boyfriend. Or, her parents can rent the house out for more money than they charged you two, or even sell it, while the market is still good.

Third, her family is not going to hate you — unless you take the coward’s way out and cheat on their daughter so she’ll have to throw you out.

Not wanting sex with you is a clue she’s had enough. Women’s bodies often shut down sexually when they’ve had enough of a partner. Guys? Not so much. Some guys just want “maintenance” sex. As for her getting comfortable being rude to you, that is your ticket out the door.

Mentally collect a few instances of that before you sit down to have “the talk.” Say this: “We’re not getting together very well anymore.” Then cite a few instances and invite her to vent. Don’t offer solutions. Instead, say, “It seems like we’re wasting each other’s time and I think it’s time we ended the relationship.” Don’t be too insulted if she jumps on that idea.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m writing in regard to the comments from “Confusing” saying they were at a gathering where a woman started to cough, and then “had” to leave the room, with the hostess. The hostess’s fear was that the coughing guest had been exposed to COVID-19, and she hadn’t been wearing a mask in that group.

As a person who had COVID a few months ago, I still bear a horrible dry cough which I cannot seem to shake. I can be fine and all of a sudden, I’ll start to cough and can’t help it.

When I go out in public and the cough starts up, I’m worried others will think I’m someone who’s sick, and not protecting others accordingly — and now they’ve been exposed.

Well, not everyone coughs because they are sick or have COVID. I, like many others, do suffer from long COVID, and I think people need to relax a little bit when they hear a cough.

I understand there are many who go out in public sick with a cold, flu or even COVID, but not everyone is like that. I just wanted to voice my opinion on this. Thanks!

— Just a Cough, Riverbend

Dear Just a Cough: If you know you’re going into a public gathering with people who don’t know your situation, and you’re likely going to cough, why not sidestep the issue? Simply wearing a mask is not so hard. Others don’t know the cough is probably safe, so how can strangers relax?

Everybody just feels better if coughers cover up, whether it’s from the common cold, a seasonal flu, COVID or anything that causes a cough. You already know you’re likely to cough and upset people. Plus, health professionals tell us COVID is all over the place right now.

Still, nobody wants it! Some people get COVID seriously, and there are still deaths. We all know how to mask up by now, so why not do so, especially in crowds of strangers?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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