Planning could smooth out first holiday as couple

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 27/12/2022 (1327 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My partner and I are going on our first holiday together — and it’s a big gamble. I don’t want to insult her, but I don’t want to spend every waking and sleeping hour with anybody that has only two legs. My old dog, I can put up with forever! She likes to do everything with me, but she doesn’t talk, and she likes to snooze.

My new girlfriend, on the other hand, needs to talk like she needs to breathe, and she sleeps only six hours a night. She’s a ball of energy. We don’t have a clue if we can get along 24-7 on a two-week stay in Mexico.

What worries me most is her non-stop need to be in someone’s company, when she won’t know anybody else but me! She’s a sociable lady, but I’m more of a loner.

I’m afraid this could be a “make it, or break it” time for us. What can you suggest?

— Panicking Already, southern Manitoba

Dear Panicking: First, a trip can be just what’s needed to decide if you want to continue as a couple. In fact, it can save a lot of time. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what you can to have fun and prevent annoying each other. So, look up your destination now, and study all the tours and activities on offer.

Pay close attention to the solo tours as well — natural exits you can enjoy without upsetting your partner. Also look up group tours and mini-classes that might be enjoyable to your lady, where she can meet some vacation buddies, and lessen the load for you.

Sometimes you can book different tours at approximately the same time, and then rendezvous afterward to share what you experienced. Talking isn’t difficult at all when you have something new and exciting to talk about.

Then there are the activities where it’s great to have a partner, like going to nightclubs with live music and dancing, and taking discovery tours to explore your Mexican location, particularly at the beginning of a trip.

So, make a list now of all possible tours, and those that might require advance booking. Do the booking now, as much as you can. The better you pre-plan, the less you will worry yourself into a frenzy before you get there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This letter is about the disappointed woman whose husband told her ahead of Christmas that he’d bought her a washer and dryer as her present. What century are we in? Is she the only one who’s going to use it? Does he never do the laundry?

I think you should have pointed out this is not a Christmas present to her, no matter the cost, and he should never do this again. That poor wife. She should have returned her presents for him, and wrapped up a lump of coal for him, instead.

— Grrr! Winnipeg

Dear Grrr: The “washer-and-dryer” husband did not deserve a lump of coal in return for his expensive gifts! But his wife would have been happier with a bottle of a beautiful new perfume she loves, and it would have cost him a lot less. Bottom line: She was hoping for sweet, personal presents, not machines to help with housework.

Most men will tell you they haven’t the faintest clue how to shop for personal and romantic presents — like jewelry, perfume or lingerie — and they’re always fearful of blowing it. Instead, they fall back on practical gifts, like appliances they think will be helpful.

Christmas gift-giving between couples would go much better if they went shopping together, and showed each other examples of things they liked, at different price points. It’s much better than making each other guess! Adding a dessert and a coffee break to these little excursions can make for fun dates.

There’s still the element of surprise, as long as they don’t buy anything that very day and the gift-giver sneaks back alone to make the purchase. Couples should really consider going Christmas shopping in November, to avoid feeling stressed.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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