Irresponsibility continues to stifle mom’s relationships

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This article was published 29/12/2022 (1076 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My mother was a rolling stone, and as soon as there was a problem — rent due, angry landlord, job loss, suddenly broke — we all had to pack our garbage bags and move in with “friends.” In time, her well-to-do father would dole out the cash to help her get us a place. He’d send big cheques in a card for a “new start” for his daughter, but he never visited her or us kids — his only grandchildren.

Now that I’ve grown up and Mom’s in her 50s, it would seem I’ve replaced her dad. I’ve recently secured her another nice apartment I pay for monthly. Today I found out she has a new job and has moved elsewhere, without even telling me!

I don’t know where she’s gone, and I don’t feel like looking. But, I also don’t want to abandon her, like she was left alone all her young adult life bringing us up — shunned by her father, who bitterly covered her bills. Please help me! I’m so frustrated. Should I finally let her go?

— Son With Good Job, North Kildonan

Dear Son: You’re understandably angry and hurt. Though you may not be able to “abandon” your mother, you can stop acting like her parent now. Find out where she is, but let her get on with her new job and her new place, and congratulate her — even if she’s mad at you tracking her down.

Make sure to let her know you have her back, if she ever needs it, but from now on you won’t bother her about things. She likely wants to be in the “successful grown-up” parent role, not the failure role. For now, just keep a secret eye on her through people in the family, to make sure she’s OK.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m making a small list of 2023 New Year’s resolutions. Last year, the only one I kept out of 17 resolutions, was to lose weight — and I actually did lose 10 pounds and kept it off!.Yay! I still need to lose another 30 pounds to be healthy. Will I be pushing my luck if I try again?

— Want to Try, But Scared, North End

Dear Scared: Take it out of the realm of “luck” by going to your physician for a checkup in January. Tell the doc how you lost the first weight and stabilized. After finding out your checkup results, ask the doc what type of healthy diet you need for your situation, and if you could go ahead and take off another 10 pounds safely. Add in some exercise like daily walking, and you’ll see some muscle and toning improvements in your body, as well. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m planning to meet and fall in love with a man in 2023 and start working on building a family. I have no trouble finding boyfriends, but they tend to have casual-sex agendas. I’ll be blunt — I’m an athlete and have a great body, and I’m an outgoing person with a growing business career.

Guys are quite attracted to me! I’ve been asked by many if I’d be interested in “having some fun.” Great — not a relationship, just “fun.” The kind of single guy who wants to get serious and have kids, as I do now, is the kind of animal I don’t seem to see anywhere in my neck of the woods.

I’m not looking for the opposite kind of man — like a quiet, meek guy — but I’m sick to death of these 30-something party boys. Can you help?

— Wanna Be a Wife and Mama, Fort Richmond

Dear Wanna Be: You can take the worry out of being close by avoiding your old crowd, joining business associations and getting active. That way, the people you associate with will be more along the lines of what you’re looking for. You may need a former athlete with a serious new career — who works out in a gym, just to maintain a high level of fitness and energy.

Find out which gyms and sports activities are popular with new business friends. Sometimes all you have to do to meet new and better-suited people is find out where they tend to congregate. Then, go there regularly, participate and be friendly to everyone you meet.

PS: Consider not disclosing you’re on a “manhunt,” and want a baby in 2023.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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