Honest approach will help you come in from cold

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 17/01/2023 (1282 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I made a resolution and swore off cheating for this new year, but it’s very hard when your wife won’t have sex with you.

She’s the mother of our only child — a great kid. My wife is an excellent mom, but her physical warmth doesn’t extend to me, and sex outside of procreation seems to her like a waste of effort. She didn’t seem to feel that way when we were dating!

She’s religious now, but she worships the almighty dollar even more. I earn a lot of money, and I think that’s mainly why she stays with me.

The bottom line is I’m physically lonely, and long for a woman’s warm touch and love. Many women turn me away though, because I never hide the fact I’m married with a wife and daughter.

Last week my close friend at work suggested I start thinking about separating and finding a new woman who wants me.

Please don’t suggest counselling, as my wife won’t go anywhere but her strict church for it, and I’m past wanting it. What to do?

— Freezing Cold in my Marriage, West Kildonan

Dear Freezing: Your friend has a point. You’re well off, so you could possibly buy yourself a house not far from your child. Then, take your time openly — and honestly — dating and looking for a new love.

You need to take time to get to know a new woman well — to suss out her true “warmth level,” the depth of her love for you and you for her, and her compatibility with your daughter. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ran into my ex-husband’s best friend from the past, and we went for a drink. He told me he was no longer friends with my ex-husband — over a lot of borrowed money never paid back.

I was shocked! I must admit I was aware of the loans to my ex, and just took it for granted he would have honoured them, but apparently he didn’t repay “one red cent.”

This guy was being quite charming to me at first, and said he’s always been attracted to me. But soon there was a pushy sexual edge to his voice.

Suddenly I got this idea that if he charmed his way into my life and my bed, it could be payback, aimed at my husband. I jumped up and said, “Goodbye! This feels weird!” and ran out of the bar.

He’s been calling me at night ever since on my home phone number, which he remembered from way back when I was married to his buddy. He doesn’t have my cellphone number yet.

I really don’t want to give up my dear old home phone number, as other old friends have found me that way. What can I do?

— Not to Blame, Westwood

Dear Not to Blame: Use the “call block” service available from home phone providers, and follow the steps to set it (usually available on their websites).

If this guy manages to also get hold of your cell number and starts using that, see a lawyer to send a firmly-worded letter regarding harassment. Should he come knocking on your door, call 911.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My lesbian girlfriend lives in another town and regularly brings me little weekly gifts when she comes over. Last weekend, she said she was aware she’d given me a lot, but that I’ve given her a lot less.

Hey, it’s not my thing! I buy gifts for birthdays, Christmas and Valentine’s Day, like most people, but not every week as in, “Happy Friday. Here’s my gift for no reason!” Got any advice?

— Her “Thoughtless” Girlfriend, Wolseley

Dear Thoughtless: How about this gifting arrangement: Since she travels to see you on weekends, cook something special for dinners on Fridays — as your gift.

Tell her she can just put her feet up when she arrives, then she can give you her little gift over dessert — and it’s an equal exchange.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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