Time for an awkward talk about folks’ raunchy racket

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 16/01/2023 (1355 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: How do I tell my mom she and my dad have started waking me up with their noisy lovemaking, and that it deeply embarrasses me? I’m 16 now and the only kid left living at home. It seems they’re not even bothering to be quiet anymore.

My bedroom is right next to theirs. I put the pillow over my head, and still have to clamp my hands over my ears to try and drown out the noises. I can’t find the words to tell them about this. Please help!

— So Embarrassed I Can’t Sleep, St. Vital

Dear Embarrassed: The night after the next noisy session, you say: “Mom, are you feeling sick at night lately? I keep hearing you crying out and making loud noises. It wakes me up and I can’t get back to sleep. I almost ran into your bedroom last night, to see if I could help.” That’s the last thing your parents want.

It may get quieter in your parents’ bedroom after having that chat, and there might also be a new lock on their door. To give yourself an immediate feeling of sleep security, buy earplugs or noise-cancelling earphones and park them beside your bed.

Hot Tip: If one of your departed siblings left an empty bedroom farther away from your folks, innocently ask if you can take it over “because you like it better.” No need to go into details.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m the primary caregiver for my elderly parents. While I’m pretty much happy to do it, it’s starting to take a toll this winter. My divorced parents have different needs and expectations, and it’s difficult to keep up with them at both their homes.

I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and burned out by the outdoor work — shovelling them out and taking out their garbage. I have no siblings. To make matters worse, it’s double the travel time and chores, dealing with both of them. I particularly hate the snow shovelling at my house, and then I have to do two more!

Do you have any advice for how I can manage my caregiving responsibilities without sacrificing my own well-being? I love my parents and want to take care of them, but I also need to take care of myself.

— SOS, North End

Dear SOS: For regular snow shovelling and sidewalk clearing, remember that teenage kids need money. Do some door-knocking and see if you can find help near both your parents’ homes. If it works out, ask the helpers if they might want to take on more paid work for other tasks like taking out garbage, yard clean-up in spring and fall, and helping with gardening in the summer.

Come by to get them started doing things the way your parents like them done, and agree on frequency and snow storm response. You’ll also need to be available by phone for any questions or snags, and you’ll have to to find out the going rates for this type of work — and don’t forget to tip for extra services!

If there’s a huge snowstorm and the clearing job is going to be too much for one person, you could connect with OnTheStep, online at onthestep.ca or via their mobile app to help. OnTheStep connects homeowners with members of their own community to provide on-demand home services and will also provide you with a recommended price range to set a fee for the services you’re looking for.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a guy in my early 40s and have a new girlfriend. Trouble is, she’s bisexual. I thought that meant she’d choose one person at a time of either sexual preference, and commit herself. Wrong! Now, when I’m already crazy in love with her, she announces she’s found a girlfriend too. She says it’s “nothing heavy,” but she misses having a woman in her life.

I said, “As a friend?” She looked guilty, and would not answer. Last night, she had an overnight with that new girlfriend and left me feeling so upset I was sick to my stomach. Please help me.

— Deeply Hurt and Confused, Fort Rouge

Dear Hurt and Confused: Bisexuality does not mean you get to have two lovers of different sexualities at the same time, and they just have to be cool about one another. That doesn’t work with most human beings, unless everybody is totally casual and into open relationships from the outset. That’s certainly not your situation.

What this recent move means is your girlfriend was willing to gamble on hurting you, and possibly lose you. You can do better than this in 2023. Consider re-setting the clock by two weeks (in your mind), and then start this year again as a free man.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography