Jealous, bullying ex has already crossed the line

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 19/03/2023 (1259 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My recent ex-husband left a horrible letter in my mailbox. He called me filthy names for starting to date someone he knows right after our divorce.

He’s seething because my new man is the divorced father of our children’s favourite playmates. He says it’s “totally disgusting” and he’s demanding to know things such as if we go in the bedroom to fool around when the kids are playing together. What a disgusting suggestion!

He’s so jealous and angry that he’s phoning me and harassing me non-stop. He talks as though I will always be his possession because I was lucky enough to give birth to his children. As if he carried them for nine months!

Miss L., my husband cheated on me all through our marriage, which started with a pregnancy. He’s definitely a serial cheater and thinks everyone else must be, too. He had many girlfriends and a long-term affair during my marriage to him, and I went through hell. I come from a religious family and believed my marriage was forever, no matter what.

I don’t want to spend a bunch of money on a legal battle with lawyers right now. Should I call his friends to settle him down, or maybe his father — a former military man he’s scared of, the big baby! Please advise.

—Harassed by Ex, Winnipeg

Dear Harassed: At this point, your ex-husband is not afraid of you or anything you have to say. You need expert legal advice and legal action — the clout of a lawyer, and possibly a judge.

Your ex-husband will have to chill once your lawyer contacts him or his legal counsel about the harassment. He needs to find out he may have harassment charges laid against him. That kind of serious trouble will complicate his seeing the children, especially if he can no longer call you or pick them up at your place.

As for your new man, you have every right to see him. Hopefully he’s a strong person and will be OK with continuing to see you. He should also talk to his lawyer about what needs to be done protection-wise regarding this ex-husband who might come looking for him.

Shining a light on your ex’s aggressive behaviours with the authorities is definitely what needs to happen and you really need to spend money for legal help. Your lawyer will need all the details, including your new man’s information.

It will also help to save any threatening messages from your ex-husband — whether on paper, by phone or text, or online. His bravado won’t last long once he finds out you have involved the law, and he’s not operating in secret.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m just back from a holiday with my friends in Mexico in the warm sunshine and I don’t know what to do with myself. I was there for more than four weeks and became immersed. I loved it so much, I didn’t want to come back.

I’d like to go back there to live, but I have a professional career here in Canada. How do I get used to this land of ice and snow again, when I’m a sun baby now who needs the warmth, sea water and friendly people? Do you think it’s crazy of me to want to move there?

I found out I could probably get work there on the fringe of my profession, if I were willing to take a drastic pay drop. I’d also need to learn Spanish in a hurry.

Am I crazy to consider this? I’m single and don’t have a special guy just now, so that works for me.

What do you think? Am I a mad fool?

— Dreaming of Mexico, St. Vital

Dear Dreaming: You’re not crazy, just someone with a dream you want to realize. There’s no better time to chase a dream than when you’re single and unfettered by children and household responsibilities.

Your first moves could be to research work possibilities of all kinds, not solely in your profession, and to start studying Spanish big time — not just online by yourself, but with a tutor or in a more formal class format. Make it a blitz.

You should also start asking around to find people from Winnipeg who have lived in Mexico for longer periods of time, and ask for their advice and tips.

Finally, watch out for naysayers who may be jealous of your freedom to chase a dream. Best of luck!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography