Distance yourselves from hateful homebodies

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This article was published 03/04/2023 (1272 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I love my boyfriend with everything I have, and he’s wonderful to me. He’s kind, loving, and makes me feel safe. The problems start when we visit his rude family, who live in the same area of the city. I don’t know how a group of people so critical and negative could have raised such an incredible man.

Yesterday, I walked out of their house in the middle of a rude conversation, and slammed the door. My boyfriend came running after me.

I’m not apologizing! They are awful people. They make fun of their son’s appearance — his haircut, his large nose, his “fat” body type. Also, they’re white and racist. I am from the Philippines. They’re just some of the worst people I’ve ever met! They never go anywhere in the city — just sit at home, drink beer and spew hate.

When I go there, I feel like they’re happy to take the focus off criticizing each other for once — to rip us apart! They’re vicious. How can I deal with these sick people? I want a life with their son, but I can’t stand them. I shudder when I think about what they’d be like around grandkids.

— Future Marriage on the Line, Transcona

Dear Future Marriage: It’s lucky your boyfriend’s parents are homebodies. The quickest improvement you two can make in your lives is to move to a different part of the city. As for having to move, it’ll be nice to go home to a totally different neighbourhood, knowing it’s very unlikely they’ll visit.

Let your partner know that you will not put up with verbal violence towards anybody, including him. Ditto for racist remarks. Also let your boyfriend know that any children you have will never be left alone with his parents, as they could do a lot of harm to a child’s self-esteem in just a few minutes.

If he says you’re being too tough on his parents, reconsider the relationship with him. While he may be a sweetie, he may not have enough backbone to be your husband and father of your children.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I both work, and were always good with money until our kids recently moved out of the house. It’s like he’s going through some kind of midlife crisis now. He’s spending our money as if we don’t need it to retire, in just 10 years!

He recently spent several thousand dollars on top-of-the-line backyard stuff — a meat smoker, brand new barbecue and expensive patio furniture with a giant umbrella — because he got a deal. Worse, he’s buying a fancy new vehicle good for travelling, and is talking about doing a guys’ road trip to Vancouver with his old poker buddies.

I’m running out of patience, and we’re going to run out of money.

— Help to End the Spend, River Heights

Dear End the Spend: If your husband is unable to visualize a picture of the future (and some people can’t), then you must become the financial wizard. However, don’t make the mistake of running off to see someone who wants to invest your money so they can take a big cut. Instead, hit the library or do some research on credible websites and learn all you can about prudent financial preparation for retirement.

As for Hubby’s road trip to Vancouver, that’s a memory-maker for him, as long as it isn’t a dangerous pub crawl across the Prairies. The idea is not to spoil your husband’s enjoyment of life, but to keep preparing for retirement together, at the same time as you’re both having some fun.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I started living with an introvert at the start of the pandemic, and I’m paying for it now. When everybody was stuck at home, it wasn’t noticeable, but in recent months I’ve wanted to get out! I love meeting new people, seeing old friends, and grabbing food and drinks together. Also, I want to show my gorgeous “new” man off, as many people haven’t met him yet.

As it turns out, when he told me he likes to stay home, he wasn’t kidding. We’ve been out together maybe twice in the last six months because he always says, “You know how I am! You go have fun. I’ll be right here.” I really want him out of the house by my side! What do I do?

— Outie with an Innie, North End

Dear Outie: You may not be able to get your introverted lover out into the world much, but you can start having people over more for small get-togethers like barbecue dinners. He needs to be able to get to know people, as he’s not good at casual chit-chat. Being in charge of barbecuing will make it easier for him to chat with a small number of guests. As for you — the “outie” — your challenge is to get involved with different sports and social groups where you aren’t required to bring a partner.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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