Ex’s interest down to jealousy, not change of heart

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 13/07/2023 (874 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m finally with a woman I really like, and guess who comes crawling out of the woodwork? My old girlfriend who broke my heart by refusing my engagement ring on Valentine’s Day. I remember that awful experience like it was yesterday. So, she’s jealous now and calling, trying to get me back. Ha!

I had asked her to marry me because I loved her so much. I wanted her with me for the rest of my life, and to start a family with her. She laughed in my face on Feb. 14, and said she was way too young to get married. She’s all of 28! She literally pushed my beautiful diamond ring back at me. I’d like nothing more than to take her back, and dump her on her head! I know that sounds immature.

I must admit I don’t know what my feelings are for my new girlfriend yet, as this relationship’s developing very slowly — unlike like my first love. What should I do now?

— Needing Help Fast, St. Norbert

Dear Needing: Your former girlfriend threw you back into the dating pool, gasping for your life! Don’t give her the satisfaction of reeling you back in, because she sees you’re dating someone else. When she calls you up again, tell her this: “Jealousy is a poor substitute for love. Don’t try to play games with me.”

You should also be aware that your present girlfriend only seems to be inspiring a “liking” feeling in your emotional heart, so it’s doubtful she’s the final one for you, either. The real answer lies down the road, so free yourself up soon, to be able to look elsewhere, and give her the chance to do the same this summer.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife just returned from the doctor’s office to tell me she’s ready to go ahead and get the facial surgery she wants. No way! I love her the way she is, and I’m dead set against her getting any changes, but she’s saved up for it on her own, and she’s one determined woman.

She points to the eye surgery I got recently, so I could have better eyesight for different sports without wearing glasses. She says she just wants “a little nip and tuck” to enhance her looks, now that she feels she has a lot of deep lines. I don’t even notice them, but she stands and looks in the bathroom mirror and fusses every night before we go to bed.

Last night we had big fight. She hauled me outside and pointed at the new car I bought for racing. She said, “You spend your own savings your own way, so get out of my way when I’m spending mine!” But isn’t the chance of ruined health more worrisome than a fast car? Who gets to decide on what chances are taken by someone in a married couple when they don’t agree? I thought it was the man of the house, but my wife dismisses this, saying I’m “old-school.”

— Tired of Fighting, rural Manitoba

Dear Tired: Some people have had bad accidents competing on racetracks, and some people have had complications after surgeries of many different kinds. There are risks, in both.

In your case, the two of you have both worked and saved money to spend on yourselves. That’s not an “old-school” setup — you got the car of your dreams, and now your wife wants to spend her money on looking more youthful. It’s a balanced situation. Both of you should try to recognize that, and support one another’s choices — even if you’re not cheering heartily.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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