Bit of foresight could bring marriage back into focus

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This article was published 16/07/2023 (1123 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Our kids are growing up, and some weekends we’re all alone. When we’re private like that, my wife acts like the woman I first fell in love with. I made the stupid mistake of saying that, and she started to cry. She said, ”Do you think I don’t know you’re bored of me? I can tell by the way you look at other women. You leer at them!”

At that point I laughed out loud. I look at people intently because I can’t see them very well, even with my glasses on — and I’m too lazy to get anything but readers. Plus, I never said I find my dear wife boring, even though I have thought that occasionally!

I miss the magic we used to experience, especially in the evenings when we used to light a fire and play oddball board games and crazy music — all her ideas. That was before she and I had so many responsibilities, and she got so serious. Please help us…

— Bring Back That Lovin’ Feelin’, Charleswood

Dear Bring Back: The Righteous Brothers advocated “begging” and saying “please,” but you have other ground work that needs minding, mister “weak eyes!” First, see an optometrist and get proper eyeglasses or contact lenses — whatever stops you from leering at people (particularly women) just to see them. Then have a good look at your wife, and tell her in detail how beautiful she is!

Also, it’d be fun for you two to go shopping for weird new or used board games whether in shops, at garage sales or online. Start helping to re-create the fun your lady created for you both, back when she felt appreciated. It’s not up to one partner or the other to create all the romance in a long-term relationship.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband loves his isolated little fishing cabin, more than me and the kids, it would seem.

But now he’s about to pay! He’s owned a tiny cabin up by a northern Manitoba lake since he was 19 and his deceased grandfather willed it to him. I stopped going up three years ago — I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I hate fishing, bug bites and being isolated from other people. I especially hate a cabin with no modern bathroom facilities, especially with our half-grown kids. The kids are bored so soon up there, and all I do is work, work, work, while Dad fishes all day!

When I stopped going, my angry husband kept right on, with buddies in tow. I seldom asked for details — not even names — as I was simply not interested! But, through a friend, I recently found out he has a young female “buddy” going up there now. This woman is in her 20s, and comes from a tiny town near our cabin.

I’m packing to leave him, as I write you. I have no intention of ever taking him back, even though he’s vowing he loves me and not her. “After all, I have two kids with you!” he told me last night, as if that makes it his right to be forgiven for an affair.

I got busy! I made a few phone calls and I have my old full-time job back for the fall, as of yesterday. My husband’s panicking because I will not need him. Last night he finally said he’d give up both going to the cabin and the girl he claims was “just company and meant nothing.” Should I give him another chance for the kids’ sake?

— Torn Up, central Manitoba

Dear Torn: You can pry your husband away from this young woman, but it’s highly unlikely your husband will want to give up the cabin. It’s family history and was an amazing gift of love for a young guy. You also know he passionately loves to fish and be out in the wild.

If you still care enough to consider taking your husband back once this girl is gone and the cabin is “not happening” at least for now, you might have a chance. It’d be best if you two could get some counselling to help patch this up, at least until the kids are out of the nest, but it doesn’t always work out.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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