Don’t get caught up between family forces of nature

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 14/07/2023 (814 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife really told an old auntie on my side of the family where she could go! She tried to interfere with my wife’s strict punishment of our son, who stole something big, and got caught.

Auntie then phoned Grandma, who is the boss queen of our matriarchal family, and ratted my wife out. Then Grandma called me, demanding I force my wife to make an apology to Auntie. Believe me, Auntie’s not going to get anything like that from my wife. “Over my dead body!” my wife told me. She did not grow up in an old-world family, like I did.

I want peace. My wife says if I take Grandma’s side and start demanding her to apologize to Auntie, I can kiss our marriage goodbye. She means it. What can I do? I love my wife and family, but I and don’t want thegood relationships with my elders to end.

— Caught in the Middle, West End

Dear Caught: Your wife is obviously a match for Auntie and Grandma. Your best bet is to say to your wife: “You do what you need to do, and I’ll support your decision, but I draw the line here: I will not stop talking with my auntie and grandmother.”

Then do some “underground” work, consulting your other aunts and uncles. Someone will likely be able to broker a peace between your wife and these older women. The whole clan has been dealing with these family authorities for a long time. You can bet worse fights have been resolved in the past.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I walked all the way home from my girlfriend’s house after she teased me sexually for hours, and refused to have sex with me again. I had to stop for a pizza halfway home, to calm down. I ate the whole thing. This is not the first time this has happened, by any stretch. My girlfriend is the worst teaser. She gets a thrill out of leaving me in a painful state for hours.

This is my first real girlfriend. I’m 17 and not very good-looking. I’m afraid I won’t get another girl for a long time. I’m scared to break up with her, and then have no one again. What she’s doing to me is mean, and I can’t take much more, but I don’t want say goodbye and be alone all summer either.

— Being Teased to Death, River Heights

Dear Teased: If this girlfriend did go all the way, she might get pregnant, particularly if you just used a condom. You don’t mention having investigated, or if you had on hand, any reliable birth control — or that your girlfriend has taken any steps either. That may be carelessness, or maybe you’re not her “chosen” one for first sex.

Do you really think having this girlfriend is better than nothing? Keeping her around makes you unavailable to meet other girls who would care for you and not enjoy teasing you like this. Bottom line: You need to make more friends, particularly of the female sex.

A summer job with other students in a retail store or fast-food outlet, for instance, would introduce you to a group of people your own age. So would would sporting or recreational activities. Then you’d be able to forget this first girlfriend, who seems to enjoy tormenting you, and find someone better.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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