Journey together is due for some turbulence

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 30/10/2023 (1022 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend loves to travel and doesn’t care if I want to go with her or not. She has a well-paying job that lends itself to this kind of freedom. She doesn’t ask me to go with her on sales trips and to conferences, as she says she’s most often getting together with girlfriends from other businesses like hers.

But then, the other day she let something slip when she was on the phone with a friend. She was yapping about her recent work trip and her “travel companion.” She started off referring to the companion as a “she” on the phone and then slipped up and said, “he” a few times.

I came up behind her, took the phone from her hand, and hung it up. Then I asked her pointedly about her pronoun mistakes. She said uncomfortably that the person she was taking about was a guy she knows through work who travels with her the odd time. She said it was strictly platonic.

I don’t believe a word. She lied about who she went with, gossiped with a friend about it and I caught her. End of story. Or, is it? Is there any chance at all she’s telling the truth?

— Wanting This to Go Away, downtown Winnipeg

Dear Wanting: You caught this woman trying to cover up who she was with on her recent work trip. Now you’re hurting so badly you’re almost willing to believe she and this guy are nothing to one another — not even sex buddies?

That might be OK if you and she were involved in an open relationship, but you’re not. Unless you’re a guy who also likes to have different partners yourself, you and this woman are not a match.

If you continue down this road with her, she will no doubt be much more careful to cover her tracks. But is respecting your dignity while she’s seeing others enough loyalty for you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought my wife a big, beautiful diamond ring for her birthday and she didn’t like it. She said, “Oh, it’s lovely — not what I would have picked, but I love it just the same.”

Then, when she tried it on, she said with obvious relief that it was too big on her finger. I felt totally deflated and said we could take it back.

She said that would work and then she could choose something more suited to her hand. She put the ring back in the box and asked me for the receipt, just like that. I was so numb I just got my wallet out, and handed it to her.

Pretty soon the embarrassment and anger kicked in. I found her and yelled, “Give me that ring and the bill back. I paid for it!” She pulled the ring box out, and slammed it down on the counter. I took it and went for a drive.

It’s still tucked away in my trunk. I really don’t know what to do next. I feel hurt and embarrassed, and like I should leave her over this, but the trouble is, I know I would eventually go crawling back. What should I do?

— Ring Was Rejected, North Kildonan

Dear Ring Was Rejected: Your wife was feeling ungrateful because she doesn’t want to sport that big diamond on her little hand. What if she gave you a big, flashy men’s diamond ring and expected you to love it, even if you felt silly wearing it?

It’s almost impossible to choose a ring another person will wear on a daily basis if you don’t let them see it first to get their enthusiastic approval. Even better, you can let them choose one they’ll truly love. So cool off and go at this again when both of you are calmer and this fight is forgotten.

Be aware that your wife may still be sentimental about the ring you gave her at your wedding and may not really want a bigger one — even if you can afford it now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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