Get on the same page financially with hubby

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/11/2023 (995 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My partner is much older than me. He was my university professor years ago, until we developed deep feelings for one another, and got married.

I got pregnant, which was a surprise to both of us. I had to drop out of university, and left my career dreams behind to raise our family of three children.

After 10 years of being at home with the kids, my husband has just told me he feels like I’ve been taking advantage of his generous nature. He wants me to get a job, yet he makes six figures. I’m not by nature a big spender, so what is he talking about? What advice can you give me? I sidelined my career plan and its earnings to be with him. Help!

— Unappreciated At-Home Mom, Fort Richmond

Dear At-Home Mom: You need to do some research to find out exactly why your husband wants you to get a job. Your kids are 10 and under, and it’s great to be able to afford to have a parent at home if you can. Could it be that things have gotten boring between you two and he doesn’t know how to say that? Do you have any time for any other interests, or do the kids take up all your time? Try to find out what is at the root of your man’s desire for you to get out of the house and working.

If you’re not aware of family finances, now is the time to look into that issue, too. If you’re in a bad financial state, you may realize you do need to help out. Maybe your husband is saving for three kids’ university educations, in addition to household expenses and retirement, and there’s less money than you know.

Once it makes sense on paper, you may not feel resentful about working at least half-time to ease the load.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: It’s getting dark early now and my new neighbour’s house is all lit up as soon as she gets home from work every evening. Does she realize her teenage daughter never closes her curtains?

I’m a guy in my late 20s and work late a lot. My desk is at the rear of my house and their daughter makes a habit of coming right up to her window naked, giving me a full view, and gazes out for long periods of time.

I wouldn’t want any of my sisters doing this. Should I do anything to warn the mother?

— Protective Guy, St. James

Dear Protective: An anonymous note would creep the family out, so don’t make that move. A female neighbour you know would probably be the best one to warn the mom that her daughter can be seen clearly in her window. Of course, this young woman might already know the guy across the back can see her. You might want to start closing your own curtains.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m very lonely because two girlfriends have left me since I got sober.

The first one left because she was still able to drink, but I couldn’t go out anywhere with her where I might be tempted. Then I started seeing a woman who attends Alcoholics Anonymous who had quit drinking for good, and that was great. The trouble was, she knew a lot of other guys from AA meetings and met a younger guy she liked better.

I need to find a mate, but I really don’t know what to do. Please suggest something!

— Out of Ideas, Wolseley

Dear Out of Ideas: You need to broaden your search for new friends of both sexes. Start allowing the rest of your world to include people who take part in activities that have nothing to do with drinking, but are interesting and fun for other reasons. It’s time to get involved with sporting events, arts groups, charity work and volunteering. Limit your AA friendships to solid people there, and go to the meetings you need to attend. Good luck to you.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography