Rich family sure skimps on common courtesy

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This article was published 05/04/2024 (919 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I started dating a woman whose family is into horses. Driving up to their fancy property is quite an experience. They do not live on a little old farm in any sense.

They’re not in the one per cent category of being rich, but they are much more than comfortable. At first it seemed exciting, but now it feels like they expect a lot from me — the ordinary guy dating their daughter. They’re starting to be less shy about their judgy rudeness.

I am not from a rich family, and I don’t want to put up with their snobbery. The other day my girlfriend’s mom referred to my family as poor and my girlfriend and her father just sat there in silence and didn’t say a thing. I felt embarrassed and unsupported.

Should I get out of this while I still can? My partner has started hinting at wanting to be married someday.

— Not Rich, But Never a Poor Man, Winnipeg

Dear Not Rich: It’s one thing for a parent to be rude enough to talk down to their daughter’s boyfriend. It’s quite another for the young woman not to be offended and let the remark float by. Does she also think it’s OK to think and talk this way? You need to dig into this aspect.

Her mother may have wanted to give you a shot, or she may be too unsophisticated to know she was even being rude. If you’re not ready to check out of this relationship, you need to speak to the mother yourself and see where that goes.

It may not go well at all and that might be the end, but that still beats wasting your life connected to a family that’s this un-classy in their interpersonal dealings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is a public service announcement for all the ladies. If you are talking to guys on dating apps, pay close attention to how often and how quickly the guy you’re talking to replies.

I was recently talking to a guy who seemed a little needy, but it’s been a while since COVID and I haven’t had anyone interested in me, so I let it go.

At first he would reply instantly, like every single time within seconds. Then, if I didn’t send him a message back right away, he would pretend to be sad, but I could tell he was really a bit mad.

Eventually, we went on a date. I was just not into him. He seemed controlling and strange, so I told him I wasn’t interested in any more dates with him. In response, he sent me hundreds of messages and called me terrible names. Listen to your gut, ladies. I didn’t, wish I had.

— Staying Single for Now, Osborne Village

Dear Staying Single: A guy like this could be dangerous. One can only hope you’ve learned all the ways to get rid of his online paths to you. A techie friend could help you totally block his messages and cut off the lesser-known paths to get to people.

It does take more effort to date “real” people when you have to go out and meet them. It’s much easier to jump online to see who’s available, but the returns are often not worth it.

When meeting face-to-face and taking part in some kind of activity together, it’s possible to use all your senses. You can see, hear, taste, touch and smell people, and better determine who is safe to continue seeing.

It’s time to get away from your online world more often and start reconnecting to the world socially. It’s not so COVID-scary out there anymore, so you can meet new people involved in social activities, hobbies and sports that interest you. Meeting face-to-face, you’ll be much better able to judge people and, consequently, you’ll be safer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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