Don’t drop another ‘swinging’ surprise on wife

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This article was published 17/04/2024 (857 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have wanted to experiment sexually with another couple, so I hinted to a guy I know, who is into that kind of thing. I said, “My wife and I might be willing…”

They soon invited us for dinner, and when we got there it was all candlelight and slow, sexy music. My wife looked at me, and rolled her eyes. When the other couple started pushing mystery cocktails on us, she began to get really suspicious.

Finally, she took me out in the hall and told me what she thought was up. I had to pretend I didn’t know. She quickly made excuses to our hosts about a migraine coming on, and we were out of there before dessert was served.

Now where do I go from here?

— Still Wanting to Experiment, Charleswood

Dear Wanting to Experiment: You have been foolishly careless with your wife. When couples experiment sexually, they both have to be tuned in and turned on to the idea, and both give their consent.

It was up to you to warn your wife this couple was into group sex and tell her that you were curious yourself, but you didn’t and your wife had no idea you were setting her up. That was a major betrayal of trust. Your choices now are to let the group-sex fantasy go or see if there are any conditions where your wife would be amenable.

If there aren’t, you’ll need to consign the group-sex fantasy to dreamland, or look for a new partner who’s into swinging.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was in a restaurant and witnessed a man berating his wife or girlfriend in front of the entire place.

I don’t know if he was drunk or not, but he seemed to be out of his mind. I told him to leave her alone.

I’m a younger woman and was by myself, but it made me really mad how nobody else there did anything.

My dad later told me I shouldn’t have said anything because the guy could have turned his focus on me. I told him that was what cowards would do. Am I crazy?

— Standing Up, West End

Dear Standing Up: You’re not crazy, and you have a good heart. Still, it’s small wonder your dad was worried. You said the man looked like he was “out of his mind,” so he might have done just about anything.

It would have been safer and more effective to ask for the restaurant managers to settle this man down, and chances are they would have specific training and experience to defuse the conflict.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I work with someone who is a massive narcissist. He tries to find ways to get out of doing work when we’re assigned shared responsibilities and then tries to take over during presentations. He tries to make it seem like I can’t lead and he takes the credit for the work “we” got done.

I challenged him on that recently and he just laughed and acted like he had no idea what I meant. I don’t want to leave my job, but I don’t know if I can make it much longer with him there. Help.

— Unwanted Drama, North Kildonan

Dear Unwanted Drama: Speak to the bosses privately about your role at the company. If they ask how you like working with your current work partner, truthfully tell them about how difficult he can be to work with and why. If they don’t want to lose you, they’ll look for a way to fix things. If not, start looking for better job opportunities.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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