Set ground rules before getting too charmed by ex

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 02/05/2024 (843 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I ran into an old boyfriend at my mechanic’s garage recently. The mechanic had originally introduced us to one another. We started talking and laughing, easily. That night my ex called my house about 10 p.m.

He was always a joker and he said he was calling me from outside my front door in his birthday suit. Of course he wasn’t, but he made me laugh.

I realize I missed his clowning around, but not enough to get back with him. Is it dangerous to start talking to him, but only on the phone?

— It’s Scary and I’m Wary, St. James

Dear Scary and Wary: If you want to set the needed distance with this ex, don’t waste any time in bringing up and rehashing the issues that made you split up. If you’re still on two different sides of the fence, you’ll feel yourself cooling off quickly. He’ll feel the disenchantment as well, and it will all be over again. If not, maybe it’s time for round two. See what happens.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a problem with my new girlfriend’s lonely alcoholic mother. Unfortunately, her mom has been flirting with me when her daughter is not in the room.

I don’t want this woman in any way, shape or form, and I don’t respect her because of what she’s been doing behind her daughter’s back.

Last night, it was not a happy sight when we opened the door. Her mom had been sipping wine all evening (as usual) and playing solitaire.

My girlfriend took my hand to hustle me through the hallway and her mother said, “Oh, please don’t go and leave me alone again.”

I told my girlfriend that I was tired and left shortly after. I can’t tell her the situation with her mother is turning me off.

If I can’t find a way to get away from the mother, I’ll have to back off. I really don’t want to do that. How do I handle this?

— Nearing the Sad End? West Kildonan

Dear Nearing: If you really like this girl how about trying to change the situation with your her mother? But first, to make it comfortable being around her mom, you’re going to have to catch her staring at you, and say in front of her daughter, “Sorry, I’m not into older women — because they’re smarter than me,” or some such joke that makes everybody laugh and defuses the tension.

Since her mom is having problems with drinking and feeling lonely, make her aware that Alcoholics Anonymous programs help people quit the drink while introducing them to a whole new circle of friends. These people don’t always travel in couples like so many married people do. They have a bigger mission than romance — to stop drinking for good, and building a strong new life.

Contact aamanitoba.org and find out what is offered, how people can get involved and inform your girlfriend. Then figure out how to present it and offer real help, such as you and the daughter driving her mom to her first meetings and picking her up afterward.

In the meantime, date time with your new mate could start with going outside more as the weather improves. Other nights, you might cook up dinners at your place for some real privacy and romance with just the two of you. Good luck.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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