First and last resort is some genuine contrition

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/08/2024 (736 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I had a hot job at a lake resort for the summer, but after a month I got into trouble for fraternizing with female guests.

I guess I got what I deserved. I was fired and sent home with no references. In fact, the owner said he would be glad to give me a bad reference if he ever heard I was looking for another job in the same business.

So I came back home to Winnipeg and now I’m sweating it out as a labourer. The resort season is still going in the fall, and I realize how much I want my old job back. It suits me to be a guide and boater — and most people like me. The women really do for sure, but I can put a lid on that.

So what can I do to try to get my job back? Should I apologize to the boss who fired me so he’ll stop bad-mouthing me to other resorts that might hire me? I think that’s what’s happening because I keep applying, and nobody even calls me back. Please help, ASAP.

— Learned My Lesson, Winnipeg

Dear Learned: Give the guy who fired you a phone call and apologize. Tell him in detail that you’ve learned your lesson and have grown up quickly because of it. If nothing else, that might stop him from giving you any more bad references. Plus, if he’s desperate for guides toward the end of this season, he might let you come back because his customers will be mostly groups of men by then and it will be safer for you.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I thought I had a friend for life — we were really close for many years. But now if I have a problem and need support all I get from her is, “I just can’t hear this kind of stuff today.” Or she’ll just hang up on me. It’s so rude and really hurts.

I’m left feeling like I don’t matter to her — and it’s not fair. She would always call me when she needed help or a shoulder to cry on. I would listen and give her my total support, even if she was at fault. Now she just goes out socializing with other people and comes home and bad-mouths them behind their backs, I’m sure.

She never invites me along anymore. I finally brought this up with her and her response was, “You’re not the same type of friend as they are.”

I got mad and asked why I was good enough to lay all her stresses on me but not good enough to go out and join her and her friends for lunch. She hung up and I haven’t heard from her in a month.

So why do I still miss this witch when she obviously didn’t care about me in the first place?

— Alone and Lonely, North Kildonan

Dear Alone: It’s too bad this “friend” didn’t hang up on you sooner.

You’ve gained back the free time you would have been wasting listening to her put other people down. The only reason you miss this “witch” is you haven’t replaced her yet. But that can happen quickly with some planning.

Start enjoying the types of people who enjoy giving as much as receiving. Check out the extensive list of opportunities at Volunteer Manitoba (volunteermanitoba.ca) and then do further research into a half-dozen areas that interest you, and give two or three options a try. You’ll be amazed at the way this opens up your life to new experiences, and a better quality of friends.

But be aware. If your ex-buddy can’t find a replacement for your free counselling, she may give you a “pity call” down the road, saying she’s now over the fight, and she’s giving you another chance. You don’t owe her a polite response.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography