May be best to leave social strife at work behind

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This article was published 08/10/2024 (681 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I went against the “boss” woman in our group of work friends and now I’m paying for it. I had the better idea for a Halloween group costume at work this year — a coven of glamorous witches — and my co-workers loved it. They knew it would make for great photos!

They ignored our usual pushy leader at work and her weak idea, but then our “alpha” was furious with me! She cornered me and asked, “Why did you do that to me?” I was surprised to see she had tears in her eyes.

I didn’t know what to say, because I must confess I did “do it to her,” on purpose. I’m sick and tired of this woman being the boss of everything that’s social at work. I didn’t say I was sorry, because I wasn’t! I just turned and walked away.

Now the female employees, who actually like me better than her, are drifting over to her camp because they don’t want trouble. She’s already in middle-management and she can be tough.

Luckily, I know our main competitor would like me to work for them. The pay is better here though! What should I do? I hate the idea I should have to leave and take less money, but it’s getting pretty uncomfortable.

— Feeling Unpopular, North End

Dear Unpopular: Part of workplace satisfaction is definitely the social atmosphere. If it becomes poisonous, the company has to root out the problem — and it’s likely fingers will be pointed at you. The aggrieved middle manager will certainly have complained about you already.

Since you have an alternative job offer from a similar company, you’d be wise to take it. However, should you jump ship, tread very lightly. If employees over there want to talk about the trouble back at the old workplace, just say, “I’m just glad to work with you people at this interesting new company.”

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m scandalized by the cost of Halloween costumes for my four kids. My children love trick-or-treating, so last year I ended up biting the bullet, and paying a small fortune. This year I just don’t have the money to buy new costumes. I don’t want to disappoint my children. Help me please!

— Mom of Three Munchkins, Fort Garry

Dear Mom: You can distract kids from the elaborate, trendy costumes they see on online by taking them to the thrift stores, already full of attractive Halloween costumes often worn just once, as well as plenty of interesting options to create their own. Make sure to get to the thrift shops in the morning for the widest selection.

If you’re really strapped for cash, some super-saver parents swap costumes with neighbours or relatives, so you could give that try.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I make a point of taking care of my lawn, and my rude old neighbour (a drinker) takes care of nothing! Her leaves will fill up my lawn several times through the fall. I take pride in my property and she couldn’t care less.

Last fall I bought her leaf bags with Halloween pumpkin designs on them — and she only used one! The rest sat there on her step. Her excuse? “I think the leaves look so pretty in their fall colours on the lawn.” Really? As far as I know, there are no “leaf police” in this province, but I wish there were, because there’s no shaming this woman into being a responsible neighbour.

What do you suggest? She can get nasty and has quite the vocabulary.

— Fed Up, Riverview

Dear Fed Up: Are you brave? If so, offer to rake this woman’s yard and she might take you up on your offer, if the truth is she simply isn’t strong enough to rake. More likely, she’ll laugh in your face, but that’s the chance you take.

If you do offer to help her, ask when the leaves are mostly down, so you don’t have a raft of “latecomers” detaching themselves from her trees and sailing into your yard!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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