Counsel afflicted buddy, but back off a bit

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This article was published 03/12/2024 (621 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My best friend is not a recognizable alcoholic to most people. I know he often drinks at noon and again after work at a bar, and after that he goes home to his wife. She likes her drinks too.

But lately he’s started forgetting what he’s just said when he’s drinking, and repeats himself about other things.

He’s not an old man yet but I’m worried there is cognitive impairment involved. Frankly, I don’t enjoy his company like I used to.

Then he shocked me. The last time I got together with him, he was getting pretty drunk and confessed he had a new lady.

I did not want to know this. I shut him up fast because his wife is like a sister to me.

I don’t want to be part of his dirty secret. I certainly can’t tell his wife — who is such a sweetheart — and devastate her.

What should I do about my best friend of many years?

— Fed Up, Tuxedo

Dear Fed Up: At this point you have more to gain by talking frankly to him than by saying nothing and just silently gnashing your teeth.

First, tell this old pal you can’t continue to hear about his affair because you have too much respect for his wife. Remind him that he and his wife have had a great thing going for years, and you won’t help him lose that.

Also, tell him honestly about the memory glitches you seem to be noticing, and that he should think about getting a medical checkup, and also consider cutting back on his drinking. Suggest he get in touch with Alcoholics Anonymous (aamanitoba.org) to help him start taking a real look at his boozing situation.

There’s a chance he will listen to them, if not to you, and attending could certainly help him. There’s also a chance he could kick you out of his life, at least for now, but you seem to have had about enough anyway and finding new friends would be good thing for you right now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in trouble with my best friend who has a high-level clerical job at work. At the end of last week, I caught her tucking a lot of computer gear and accessories from her work desk into a few shopping bags. She was clearly stealing company property — items that don’t come cheap.

She must have felt me staring and turned around fast. She said she hoped I wasn’t planning on turning her in since the company wouldn’t even miss that stuff. Then she fake-laughed and her cheeks turned red.

I just said, “But you will know you did it, and so will I.“

She instantly took everything out of her bags and stuffed it all back into the cabinets.

Then she asked if was happy now. I said yes, but she’s barely speaking to me now, and I miss her friendship. We’re two of the few women working in this office and it can feel lonely.

Should I apologize for calling her out on her dishonesty? I couldn’t help catching her. I guess she must have trusted me not to snitch on her.

What can I do — look for different work? Why should I be the one who has to look for another job?

— Lonely and Awkward, North Kildonan

Dear Lonely and Awkward: You two work friends may get over this bump — but you’ll always know this woman is capable of stealing, and she’ll remember you caught her in the act.

You don’t love this lonely workplace, so start looking for a better job where there will be new friends to make. You did nothing wrong and deserve to work in an enjoyable environment with more than one possible work buddy.

Start looking for a new position at a bigger company with a more social atmosphere. Canvass your friends for ideas on where to apply. Don’t settle for another solitary situation.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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