Seek a silver lining in pushy daughter’s move

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This article was published 26/02/2025 (571 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m a newly separated dad and thought I was a free bachelor again. But, oh no. My sweet but spoiled only daughter recently told her mother (with vile swear words) to get stuffed, just as her mom was heading out for work.

My daughter then called up her annoying boyfriend to come help her pack and sneak her into my basement suite while I was at work.

Then she called me to say in her smart-alec voice, “Guess what? Mom and I broke up. I’m living with you now.” I was shocked all right.

To be fair, I dote on my girl — we have similar personalities — but she’s a handful. I didn’t expect her to be living with me ever again. She’s 18, likes her music loud and she’s not into earphones. Since she moved in everything in the house is vibrating.

Plus, she’s pushy like her mother. This morning, she handed me a shopping list of foods she likes and foods she won’t eat.

Here’s the kicker: she intends to sleep at her boyfriend’s place on Friday and Saturday nights. How do you think I feel about her staying with this guy, doing you-know-what? This jerk could be getting my girl into serious trouble. How do I handle this?

— Nervous Dad, Tuxedo

Dear Nervous Dad: Having your daughter back under your roof could be annoying or it could be a surprise bonus. First off, get parental enough to calmly ask her about the birth control she’s using. Condoms are not enough. She may need to see her doctor for a more trustworthy method.

Also, be aware that teenage girls are secretly nosy about their parents. Your daughter may snoop in your dresser drawers and desk when you’re not home and find out all your personal secrets, so buy a trunk and put a lock on it.

Be sure to have some fun together, too. Load up the house with games and movies and get to know her girlfriends and her boyfriend (and maybe try to like him). Perhaps on some weekend nights, you could go stay at your own girlfriend’s house, if/when you have one.

Yes, it may be a stressful to have your daughter back at 18, but it will probably be your last chance to be housemates, so enjoy it as much as you can. Build a foundation for a long and enjoyable adult relationship. It could be fun, once you get used to it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We have a new widow living next door. She used to be a happy person when she had her husband, but he died suddenly, and then their dog also died a month later. Now she’s sad and lonely.

Poor lady. I really understand this as I’m a recently remarried widow. I know how lonely it can get when you’re suddenly on your own.

So, I’d like to help her and I have a sneaky plan. I’m pretty sure a dog would pick up her spirits. She even loves to dog-sit for neighbours and recently told me she feels sad when the pups go home again.

I know I can’t just drop a puppy off on her porch, but I would be willing to help her find one at a rescue shelter. I’d like to find one for myself as well. What do you think of asking her to accompany me to do that? Is that being too obvious or pushy?

— Dog-Loving Neighbour, North Kildonan

Dear Dog-Loving Neighbour: If you’re absolutely sure about adopting a dog for yourself, then do this for yourself, primarily — but enlist her help.

Look at both your favourites and hers on several outings to different rescue shelters. The idea is to get her interested and committed to a cause that gets her out of mourning — a living, breathing furball who actually stays with her 24-7 and gives her plenty of love. She could still take in neighbourhood pups, but once they go home she won’t be all alone like she is now.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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