Just opt out of irksome romantic rumour game

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a young teacher at an elementary school, and I know two popular teachers who think they have a secret love relationship going on together. As if everybody doesn’t know!

It’s been 10 months of watching them. Staff and students can see the looks, and hear some of teasing they exchange. But oddly, they still haven’t come out of the romance closet as a couple, all year.

One of my homeroom kids asked me the other day if I’d heard the rumour they were secretly engaged and planning to get married this summer. Then he added slyly, “Well, if they are, tell them from us kids, it’s OK if we’re invited!” I jokingly told this to the female of the couple, and she was shocked! She said she’d hoped she and her guy were “still incognito” as a couple.

What planet is she living on? You can’t shoot “love looks” at someone all year, and have no one notice. What do you think? Are they hiding the fact they’re about to get married?

— Dying to Know, Winnipeg

Dear Dying to Know: If these rumours were false and repugnant, you’d get some vigorous denials. This couple is neither confirming nor denying — so there’s a possibility of something happening this summer, like a wedding.

Of course, the couple doesn’t want you or anybody to be pushing them, and it’s a cinch no couple could afford to invite hundreds of students to their wedding.

Your best move when students ask again, is to throw up your hands and say dramatically, “Nobody tells me anything!” Then they’ll roll their eyes, while you scuttle away to safety.

Who knows, these two lovebirds may be returning in the fall wearing wedding rings. However, it’s doubtful they will invite students to the wedding due to the cost and the impossible task of deciding who’d come.

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I recently found out my new love — a second marriage for both of us — has had major “work” done. That means everything you can do to your face and body to look younger and more beautiful. We’d never discussed this (it never even entered my head to ask if she had) when we were dating. But we were packing to go to the lake last weekend and I came upon a rogue suitcase I didn’t recognize in the upstairs of our garage, with a partially open lock.

So, what the heck, I pried it open and looked. Surprise! It contained photos of my darling girl from when she was an awkward-looking teenager and on up, with different lengths and colours of hair, but I was most fascinated by some structural differences.

My woman hasn’t just changed “a bit.” Who knew she once had a long, crooked nose, just like her grandma’s? All gone! A flat chest is much fuller. And her protruding ears? All fixed. Bags under her eyes? Two procedures about 10 years apart and some medical papers in a file.

My first reaction was to start to laugh at her un-natural beauty! But upon thinking about it, I guess it’s just her nature, as a “can-do” type of woman. Should I mention seeing what was in her suitcase, so we can talk about it openly, or would that be a big mistake?

— Loving Her Deeply, Westwood

Dear Loving her Deeply: A loving partner like you, would never say, “Aha, caught you!” but you must admit you enjoyed that snooping. Since your lady’s old suitcase was kicking around and easy to get into, she may not mind you seeing it. She may even have left it out for you to find. If you have ever thought of getting a nip, tuck, lift, augmentation or reduction of any kind, mention it to her now and see what she says. She might open up about her own experiences, once she understands you wouldn’t look down on them.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.