Stop fretting and really get to know old crush

Opinion

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m recently divorced and kind of lonely, and going out to just about anything to meet new people. I met a woman at a crazy party last weekend with a partly-shaved head and crazy colours in the front bangs. I am a woman, too.

I couldn’t quite place her at first — and she wouldn’t help me. It finally came to me! I knew her from Grade 3. She had long, red hair then, and she sat right across from me at the front of the class, for one year. The teacher put us there, for talking too much. Then she moved away to another part of the city over the summer.

Many years later, she has a new name she chose herself — first and last — and she’s single. I’m attracted, but she’s a little weird. Last night she found me online, and made contact. Suddenly I’m shy about meeting her, though I really want to see her again. Help! What should I do?

— Old Crush Revisited, South St. Vital

Dear Crush: Grown-up people may have changed looks-wise, but they still have lots of the same character and personality. You and this girl liked each other way back when, and there’s a good chance you will again.

Stop wasting your mental energy, and ask your elementary school crush to meet you somewhere busy and interesting for lunch — like The Forks or the Assiniboine Park Zoo. Have a light lunch, and talk a little about grade school — but not too much, as you’re big “kids” now.

Then, go for a walk by the river or on the zoo animal trek — anywhere that stimulates easy conversation. See how you like each other now, and good luck with the rest. P.S.: By the way, you’re old enough to kiss her now!

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend’s mother is just starting to show her true personality, Heaven help us! Although I’d heard she could be a witch, I never saw or heard anything like that, until just recently. Apparently, she’s in a “mental state” again, with her special brand of illness — and she’s screaming obscenities and cruel abuse at her grown-up children.

What a change! When my guy and I were first dating last winter, his mom was super-sweet to me. If any of the siblings started to complain about their mother’s crazy old behaviours, my new man would stop them and say, “That was in the past. Mom has medication, now.”

But, six months later, she’s taken herself off her meds, and he’s taking crazy calls from her, at my place. Then he runs outside and jumps in his car in the driveway. I can see him waving his hands in the air! I know his mother is screaming at him — and I can tell he’s yelling back. I’m losing respect for both of them.

I know she upsets him badly, but he has told me through tears that he loves his mother, and he will never abandon her, like her ex-husband and the other children have done. I refuse to have her in my life, but I love him.

I’m also scared to have children with him as they would have some of her bloodline. Is there anything I can do at this point?

— Extremely Upset, West End

Dear Extremely Upset: You can’t marry this guy in the hope his personal family hell will somehow get better.

He says he’s going to be hanging in there with his mom, but as you can see, she can go off her medication at any time and make everybody suffer. That would include you, if she moved in.

It sounds like she has no one else at this point, but your boyfriend.

Now you have a decision to make. You have yourself and your future to protect. If you had children with this man, they’d be part of this scary situation. Some things you just can’t fix.

You have to look ahead now, and it looks like you may need to remove yourself from this. It also sounds like you’re in family-making mode. You need to look for a new guy with some of this boyfriend’s best characteristics, but from a more stable family that will add to your life, not destroy it.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.