Crisis response can expose one’s true character

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new boyfriend is a big man from northern Manitoba with a bigger income.

I totally expected him to be generous to those affected by the wildfires with both his time and money. I thought he would be a hero in regard to helping people, but that’s not so.

He writes a couple of cheques for causes, but then he says to me, “That’ll do — no point in going overboard.”

What? I was taught by my parents (also fairly well-off) that if you’re wealthy and don’t give until it hurts in a crisis, you aren’t giving what you could.

This new guy of mine could afford to be really generous. I have a decent job and I’m giving all I can to help with the fires — not just money, but my time and skills.

Now I’m watching this man and thinking, “Who are you really, buddy? Do I really want to be married to you one day?”

What should I do?

— Losing Respect, northern Manitoba

Dear Losing Respect: Your lip is already curling. If you hope to build a strong marriage and family with a man who has your total respect and lasting love, this is not your guy.

So, take this seriously or you’ll look back in the future with deep regret for choosing him to be your husband.

You really don’t want a wealthy guy who’s less than generous when he could be of real help in a tragic situation. You just won’t respect him after witnessing his behaviour.

In a way, you are lucky to catch a glimpse of the real him in this situation where he has revealed himself for the cheapskate he is.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m an open-minded guy where sex is concerned, so when I found out my girlfriend was going across the ocean with a female friend for six weeks it was a surprise — but not a big problem.

Then later while still away, she confessed the whole thing, saying she’s in love with this woman and actually breaking up with me for good. She still hasn’t even returned home.

I can’t wrap my head around this. It hurts and burns me so badly now. I feel betrayed because I didn’t know they had anything more than a silly friendship flirtation thing going on.

Do I still love this woman? Yes, she is the world to me and I’m hurting very badly. Now what can I do?

— Aching Heart, Waverley West

Dear Aching: Instead of feeling gutted every day over this woman being gone, get some serious crisis counselling for your broken heart. Then you can start the healing process.

Otherwise, this little heartbreaker and her new partner are going to step off their plane back here and you will be set right back to Step 1 in what is a very necessary healing process.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.