Coming to terms with sexuality your business alone

Opinion

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got drunk and made a mistake recently — I made out with one of my male friends at a post-university graduation party at the cottage of another guy in our friend group (I’m also a man). Now I get the feeling he’s in love — or at least enamoured — with me.

The weekend trip included a bunch of couples, and this guy and me, who were both single. We were all drinking on the beach listening to music and I felt lonely and hot, so I ended up making out with this guy for a while in the woods.

We all went home the next day and he rode back with me. While he didn’t say anything — possibly because he was super hungover — I think he was expecting more after we returned to the city. He keeps messaging me now.

My closest two friends in the group apparently saw us go off and are now asking me what our deal is, and if I’m gay or bi or whatever.

I don’t want anything more from him. I’m not even sure where my sexuality is anymore because I’ve never done this kind of thing before. I’m blaming what happened on too much booze. It feels unfair to me that my friends keep making a big deal over it. It was just an experiment and I was dead drunk and curious. I don’t want a repeat.

How can I stop this nonsense with my buddies?

— Stupid Mistake, Headingley

Dear Stupid Mistake: Your group of friends are a bit shocked and want to know what’s up between you two guys. Say to them a bit more clearly: “It was an experiment. I don’t want to discuss it further. Can we leave it at that?”

Sometimes an experiment like yours is the beginning of something new in your sex life, and sometimes it’s the end of wondering. It’s up to you however you want to interpret it, but regardless of where you land, don’t let your friends give you a hard time over it. Depending on how they react, you might find out who is a real friend and who is not.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m seeing a woman in her late 60s (I, too, am in my 60s) and she plays a lot of old music. She was a big Janis Joplin fan — into psychedelics, long hair, tinted sunglasses and tie-dye clothes. She showed me some old photos of herself, and she was one smokin’-hot young hippie. I felt something stir inside me.

I was an old-fashioned cowboy type in those days. I grew up on a farm and didn’t move to the city until my mid-30s. I spent a lot of time in country bars wearing jeans, leather boots and a cowboy hat. I really thought I had it going on back then — that I was hot, hard-working and had it all figured out.

After seeing her old photo, I realized I missed out on something huge — a cultural moment with the whole peace-and-love thing. She looked so happy and carefree, and I used to look down on people like her. Now I’m falling for her and to be honest, I wish I was a little happier and a lot more carefree. Where do I go from here? Is it too late to trade in my old country garb for something a little more comfortable?

— Ex-Cowboy, Westwood

Dear Cowboy: For the most part, you just need to talk about it and share some experiences from way-back-when. Talk about how you two had such different life experiences and ask her to tell you more about hers. If you feel like you missed out on something special, she might be your ticket to experiencing it.

Plan a fun night, either at a bar or a costume party, and dress up the way you did when you were younger. You don’t have to go all out, but it might be fun to relive those years when you had such different social lives, but together this time. Maybe she can help release your inner hippie and even give you a style makeover.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love the first weeks of July because it’s the real beginning of summer and everybody is so excited to enjoy holidays away from work and feel free at the beach. Can there be anything more fun? I take my bathing suit off in the water and feel as free as the day I was born.

My husband isn’t as enthusiastic and refuses to strip off even when we’re in the lake, chest-high together, with nobody around. My sister and our girlfriends just swim naked like mermaids in a pod.

How do I get my husband to stop making fun of us? He can be such a killjoy.

— Mermaid Mama, Gimli

Dear Mermaid: Some evening when the sun’s going down at a more secluded beach and there’s really nobody around, challenge him. Ask him to go nude swimming with you — just one try, and then see how he feels afterward. You must promise to keep your lips sealed about it, but it could be a fun ritual if he enjoys it.

If he refuses, tell him to back off when you and your crew are doing it because he didn’t have the nerve to get in the water au naturel when it was just you two.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.