Enlist outside help to avert sisterly slugfest

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister and I got into a vicious fight — name-calling, slapping, everything! It was over her stealing from my hidden stash of babysitting money — almost 100 bucks! My mom just cried and said, “This is not the way sisters are supposed to be!”

Mom doesn’t know how bad it is! If my sister, who’s 14 and big for her age, keeps insisting on stealing and fighting with me, I could “lose it” big time and really beat her up. I’m 16 — bigger, taller and very athletic.

This weekend our parents found out about a possible second fight brewing. Our clued-out father said to Mom, “Just let them work it out, Honey!”

It definitely isn’t going to “work out.” Help me please!

— Furious Older Sister, Westwood

Dear Older Sister: Sometimes immediate family members aren’t best suited to settle a sibling war, especially between teenagers. You’d be smart to look elsewhere.

The good news? Everybody calms down fast when other adults are called in. In your case, it might be a respected aunt or grandmother, or a special counsellor at your school — one who’s trained in conflict resolution.

There may be counsellors at your school who know both you and your sister already, and that would be helpful. So, go to your school’s counselling office ASAP, and do not soft-pedal this explosive situation!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in love with one of my married co-workers and I don’t want to be! I really need this well-paying job, as I’m a single parent, so changing workplaces wouldn’t help my life situation.

Staying here also means seeing his beautiful face every day on the job — and being aware he’ll never be mine. It’s killing me!

I know he cares for me too, but he has several kids and he’s not the cheating kind. It’s just that when we work together, we connect on such a deep level. We also share the same offbeat sense of humour.

Sadly, I feel I’m likely to stay single forever. I just don’t want to work anywhere else. I love my profession and my work team here, and I love this particular man.

So, how do I get rid of the stomach aches I have from wanting him, and not being able to have him? I swear we were together in another life, and deeply bonded. What can I do?

— In Love with Co-Worker, Winnipeg

Dear In Love: You mention how well-suited your personalities and background are, but you don’t say how this man feels about you, romantically. As hurtful as it may be, that’s what you need to face, in order to get on with your own life.

So, ask him straight out! You might be surprised at how much he loves his wife. That jolt could set you free to finally look for a new man who’s available for love and a relationship with you — and has a great cure for your “stomach aches.”

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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