Counselling can help with cottage conundrum

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This winter my wife is residing in a small lake town where she has lots of family and we have a summer cabin. I have to stay in Winnipeg as I need to be on call at the hospital. I have seldom been able to get up to the cabin since early fall.

So, my wife recently found a female friend who’s doing her thesis to come up and keep her company, and split the rent. The story I was given was that the “friend” liked it so much there, she committed herself for the winter and to paying half the expenses,

Where does this leave me? I have a guest sharing my wife’s life, unless she drives to town to see me — which she isn’t bothering to do. “You’re never home in the city, as you’re always working, so what would I do?” she says.

An old friend called me and said he heard my wife and I had separated. I said, “We’re not separated… I don’t think.” Then he said he “must have made a mistake” and got off the phone fast. He acted embarrassed like he’d accidentally stepped in something.

This bothered me so much I called my wife a bunch of times, but no answer, so I then drove 90 minutes to our cottage in the dark. I had keys, so I just came right in the back door.

The two women were both in the same bed! Why didn’t my wife tell me that she had taken a female lover? And who knew my wife was bisexual?

We are through, but now what?

— So Many Questions, Sage Creek

Dear Questions: Save yourself a lot of useless wondering and ask your wife to go to at least one couples’ counselling session to dig out the whole truth of the situation, on both sides. Jealousy or tension over a partner’s work life — even if there is no cheating — can be a big problem, especially when people are working very long shifts. The new “roommate” provided your wife ready friendship, warmth and a solution to her loneliness, But is it a real love relationship or just a stopgap measure?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend is open about wanting to marry a rich guy. She grew up poor and everything was a struggle — even sufficient groceries sometimes.

We were getting along great until I got mad and quit my job without having another one lined up. She backed off and lost all faith in me — and I am hurting badly.

I already have another job, which was easy to secure because I am already a well-known mechanic and everybody knows me in the local auto-racing scene. But she says she’s looking for a guy who looks before he leaps because she wants to start a family and be secure. I want that too, but not right now! I’m young and a risk-taker, but isn’t that a good thing?

— Disappointed, North End

Dear Disappointed: “Steady Eddie” is the type of guy your girlfriend wants and it’s understandable. She’s had a hard life in a family that didn’t have financial stability, even for enough food.

It’s understandable she wants to raise kids in a safer situation, so let her go. Then you should go after your own future in car-racing. Look for a woman who cheers you on and doesn’t try to hold you back. It would help if she has a good career of her own that pays well.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.