Follow your interests to get better connected

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I’m upset because I see thousands of people at university — students my own age, and likely to be as smart as I am — but I still don’t know many people as friends, except a few classmates. I don’t want to spend time coming up feeling this lonely again.

I don’t need a boyfriend so much as I need friends of both sexes. I used to be popular in high school, but I had years of going to the same schools with the same kids.

What can I do now so I don’t get so lonely I quit?

— Lonely Student, Fort Garry

Dear Lonely: It’s not unusual to feel lonely at university, but it’s not too late to address it for this term, which runs until April.

To find out about clubs and interest groups at the U of M, check out umsu.ca/clubs which offers lots of listings under the subjects of academic, creative, cultural, environmental, health, hobbies, politics, religion and others. Choose two or three that attract you, and give them a try.

Here is the online invitation to the clubs: “Whether you’re into anime or activism, robotics or rock climbing, there’s a club for you — and if there isn’t, you can start one. UMSU is proud to support over 100 student groups with resources like office space, equipment rentals, meeting rooms, funding opportunities and more.”

So try a number of them out.

If somebody doesn’t suggest going for a drink or a coffee after a group meeting, you should do it.

Most people want to get to know each other better, and your shared interest in the club gives everybody something to start talking about.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a woman and this winter I’m developing my body as big and powerful as I can.

I don’t really understand why. I have an office job, live in a safe part of town and have no enemies I know of.

I’m kind of obsessed and spending a lot of time and money on it.

I got into it on my own so I can really concentrate and go to the gym as often as I want without people questioning me.

I was really enjoying the experience until a friend of mine asked why I was turning down invitations to go to the gym with other people and spending time on my own.

“You even pay a trainer when you could just work out with us,” she said.

I don’t know why.

I’m suddenly so inspired to become noticeably big and strong, and my body is beginning to look like a work of art. I used to be skinny, and I was fine with that. Now I can’t get buff fast enough and even use special supplements to build up muscle.

What’s up with me and this sudden desire to be very powerful? I can’t explain it. Can you?

— Ms. Big and Mighty, St. James

Dear Ms. Big and Mighty: You’re not alone in wanting to be powerful in every way possible.

The world is changing politically, and there is an underlying feeling of a lack of control and safety, for some.

In response, it’s natural to want to become as strong and capable as one can, and in many different ways. One of them is developing physical strength, which gives people more confidence.

So, enjoy yourself getting fit, but don’t isolate.

Just because you’re getting bigger and stronger doesn’t mean you have to get rid of buddies who are not.

If you don’t want to work out with your friends, meet them afterwards so you can keep your personal and social lives balanced.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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