Family friction can be too real for some reality TV

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My man and I get a kick out of watching reality TV shows about people searching for their biological birth parents, estranged half-siblings and other relatives. But can you explain why we only see stories that have been cherry-picked for happiness and feel-good results?

That’s simply not realistic! I’d prefer to see the whole situation — the good, the bad and the ugly stuff.

— Feeling Ripped-Off, St. Norbert

Dear Feeling Ripped-Off: You have to remember that these shows do feature real-life people, in real situations, even if they are somewhat staged at times for dramatic effect. It would be cruel and painful to feature family meetups that went badly or were hurtful and sad for everybody involved.

If this were a dramatized story with actors portraying family members, they could make up dramatic situations to excite the audiences, without actually hurting anyone’s feelings.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new man went out to buy some milk and bread before we made brunch recently, and I went to take a look in his closet. I didn’t like what I found at the back — women’s lingerie in a big size. My guy is a big man. What should I say to him? Please help.

— Shocked, North Kildonan

Dear Shocked: The snapshot in your mind of what you discovered is not going to go away, so you might as well tell your man you went snooping in his closet.

He won’t be happy, but neither will you unless you get a credible explanation. And what would that be? Someone else keeps her undies in his closet? He likes to wear them himself?

Make sure to write back about how it plays out!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife grew up with a bunch of boys and the oldest ones taught her to fight. She’s tough and she needs to be, because she works in a male-dominated place.

Now, a male co-worker has developed a crush on her and she has been upfront about it with me.

On Valentine’s Day, this guy gave her chocolates and a card with a poem he wrote professing his love for her and stating clearly he won’t give up on her.

She told him her heart belongs to only one person and that it’s mine for life, and nobody else’s.

But he just doesn’t care! This week he’s still trying to win her away from me. My wife says he isn’t nuts, so not to worry, but he’s very stubborn. Now what? Should I step in somehow?

— Worried, Exchange District

Dear Worried: Your wife needs to tell this unwanted suitor that things have gone too far, and that she has let her husband know exactly what’s been happening, and that your reaction was not good.

She should also point out to him that his behaviour has veered into workplace harassment territory and simply cannot continue. If this stubborn co-worker will not step off, your wife really should contact her human resources department to step in.

It may hurt him, but he needs this intervention.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

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