Elevate things between you by breaking ice

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I work in a high rise downtown and every day I come to work at the same time. I often ride the elevator up with this new guy working a few floors under me. I always feel a little disappointed when he has to get off, and I continue up into the sky.

I’ve worked my way up to speaking pleasantries about the weather, and he responds with cute remarks about the clouds. The good news? He’s not wearing a ring. I also found out his first name from hearing other people say hello to him. Now what?

— Feeling Frustrated! Downtown

Dear Frustrated: Next time you’re on the elevator ride together, say “Hi! My name is such-and-such and I work at such-and-such. Where do you work up here in the clouds?” That should make him smile and break the ice. Then you could consider asking if he might like to join you for a coffee on a work break, if you can co-ordinate it.

He may also have been trying to think of some way to make conversation with you on the long rides up. Good luck!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife and I had another argument — the worst of many — and she threw a drink at me. She loves her cocktails. It didn’t hurt because she totally missed me with the glass, but it was rude. I was so angry! Then she took off fast in her car, to see her sister.

It was getting dark, so I went out for a cruise in my own vehicle. I walked into the first bar I saw, and had a bunch of drinks. It struck me between the eyes that I just don’t love my wife anymore.

I know people should try their hardest to keep their marriages together, but what’s the point? We have no children, the attraction is gone, and frankly my wife is making me feel unloved and kind of sick to my stomach.

I just want to call it quits, but it’s against my religion. I know in my heart I really don’t want the suggested counselling to patch things up that my church would insist on. What do you think?

— Finished For Me, North Kildonan

Dear Finished: It’s time to stand up for yourself. You don’t want to be with this woman anymore, and she’s becoming violent. There are no children involved and there’s no love left in your marriage.

As for counselling — there doesn’t seem to be any point. Your wife has moved on from your marriage, you have no respect for her now and she’s becoming scary. You’re lucky there are no kids to keep you tied to each other. Time to see a good lawyer!

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a teacher who’s going back to school very soon. I love teaching, and it is forever saving my sanity. I know how to handle 20-something kids in a classroom, and I love it. But I don’t love my own personal life, and I don’t know how to attract the right kind of man for me.

There are a number of men in the teaching profession here who are attractive (even one in my big school), but it’s not advisable to hunt for love under your work roof!

— Lonely Teacher, Manitoba

Dear Lonely Teacher: You’re right about not hunting for love at work, but you can still get involved in educational causes that would bring you in contact with teachers in other schools.

Identify what changes or improvements you’d like to be a part of in the education system, and get involved outside your own school. If you end up dating someone through this, it doesn’t matter so much if the relationship doesn’t work out, because you don’t face each other every day at work.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: How long should you wait when you’re beginning to date somebody new before you get into real intimacy? I have a high sex drive and am sometimes too eager with women. I’m not pushy, just real friendly! For me, the time is always right.

— Friendly Guy, St. James

Dear Friendly Guy: If talking about a sexual timeline is annoying conversation to your date, then they probably aren’t all that attracted to you.

You’re best to confer with the woman verbally, rather than trying to nudge her towards sex without saying anything. That’s just out of line and will get you nowhere fast.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Maureen Scurfield
Advice columnist

Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.

   Read full biography