Want a date? You’re too clever by half

We mine the Free Press archives for advice that still applies today (...or doesn’t)

Posted: 1:23 PM CST Thursday, Jan. 12, 2017

From Helen Help Us by Helen Bottel, Jan. 12, 1961 Dear Helen: I am 24 and have dated only one man. That broke up and now I want to know what's wrong. I am rather nice-looking and can tell by looks and whistles that I am not undesirable to men. My dateless life is my own fault, and due to my personality, I know, but I don't know what to do about it.

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 12/01/2017 (3510 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

From Helen Help Us by Helen Bottel, Jan. 12, 1961

Dear Helen: I am 24 and have dated only one man. That broke up and now I want to know what’s wrong. I am rather nice-looking and can tell by looks and whistles that I am not undesirable to men. My dateless life is my own fault, and due to my personality, I know, but I don’t know what to do about it.

I seem to have an irresistible charm for older men and young boys, because I’m not bashful when talking to them, but men my own age seem to be afraid of me. I can’t be at ease with them and am always saying the wrong thing. Sometimes I know (afterwards) my retorts sound chilly and “smart,” but they come out before I can bite my tongue.

When I try to be clever, men just sort of disappear — though my girlfriends like my brand of humour. I know several fellows have wanted to ask me for a date, but they never quite manage it.

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Are they as afraid of me as I am of them, and how can I change things? — Lonely Square

Dear L.S.: Shy girls often try for smart-set small talk, and it scares men, who don’t really care for cleverness in anyone but themselves. So these fellows disappear because, being a little obtuse, they can’t see that quips are coverups for quivers.

Your best bet is to relax, be quite kind (and also kinda quiet), listen, show that you enjoy men’s company, be sincerely interested, softpedal the smart-talk until you know them better, and instead, laugh at THEIR cleverness, using yours only to enhance same — in other words, play the straight woman.

Most of all, show these men you’re not “above” wanting a date with them, and I’m sure they’ll stop being afraid of you Good luck! — H

P.S. You’re able to charm older men and younger boys because they’re out of season, therefore you can throw away your ammunition and relax. What you’ve got, chum, is buck fever, and it’s no wonder your shots go wild.