Age-old advice: I’m asking for a friend…

We mine the Free Press archives for advice that still applies today (...or doesn’t)

By: Dorothy Dix Posted: 3:25 AM CST Wednesday, Dec. 28, 2016

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Dorothy Dix Letter Box, originally published April 14, 1932

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Dorothy Dix Letter Box, originally published April 14, 1932

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Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 28/12/2016 (3548 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dorothy Dix Letter Box, originally published April 14, 1932

Dear Miss Dix: Suppose a man in his very early youth marries a girl whom in a very short time he realizes he does not and never can love. Because he has married her he feels-in honor bound to stand by and care for her, especially as there is a child.

So for several years he drags out a miserable existence, feeling very keenly the emptiness in his life caused by the lack of love. Finally he meets the ONE woman who herself has never married because she has not found her mate, and these two unhappy creatures fall desperately in love with each other.

A comic from the diversions page on April 14, 1932: "It just goes to show you that a husband will never lose interest in his wife if she keeps him guessing all the time!"

What shall they do? Shall the man forsake the woman and child? Would not this put him in the position of accepting from a woman her early youth and then when he is tired of her forsaking her for a younger and prettier face? Shall he and the woman he loves go through life crushing out of their hearts the love that has come to them after years of loneliness? Or shall they see each other when opportunity allows and know the joy and blessing that love gives?

The man would gladly continue supporting his wife and child should she grant him a divorce, but she will not agree to this.

-A man

Answer: Only divine wisdom can solve a problem like this. It is far behind my poor powers and when such cases are submitted to me I can only wring my hands in impotent anguish and sympathy over the bitter fact that Fate seems to punish us more cruelly for our mistakes than it does for our sins.

No other thing in life is so tragic as that we cannot control our emotions, and either force ourselves to love where we should love, or prevent ourselves from loving where we should not love. Nor can any one relight the fires of passion that have burned themselves out.

Certainly because a man has ceased to care for his wife does not release him from his obligation to provide for her, inasmuch as the soul has gone, it is folly for her to refuse to release the body.

All that made marriage really marriage is lost. Only, the meal ticket part remains. And so I think the wife is wise when she releases, her husband from a bond that has become a horror to him. There can be no happiness for her in holding a husband against his will, and she at least, assures the happiness of the other two, and will be no less unhappy herself.