Don’t force cousins to be friends

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This article was published 17/08/2017 (2988 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: We took the kids to the lake where my sister has a cabin. We came home in 10 days. We thought it would be heaven with the cousins all living next door to each other. We thought they would forge deep friendships that would last for life. No way. They started fighting by the third day, and fought for the next week. We left early because we were living in hell beside a beautiful lake.

My husband and I were so disappointed. Our holiday was awful and we wasted the rent money. We took turns refereeing fights. The kids are just not a match, so my sister’s family soon invited pals from school for each of their sons. Our sons got the three’s-a-crowd treatment from that time on. My sister and her husband didn’t even say goodbye to us. We are sisters, close in age, so what now? 

— Horrible Holiday, Lake Manitoba

Dear Horrible Holiday: Take a rest from this set of relatives. You don’t need to force anything. The cousins prefer their own friends. Let it go and don’t feel guilty. Just because you’re relatives doesn’t mean you have to be cosy every year of your life. Don’t call your sister to say anything since there’s nothing to apologize for and you simply don’t feel like being close just now. Stay away long enough to let things heal over. You may wish to be friends with your sister only, given some time, but don’t force the cousins to be together. There’s no reason cousins have to be close, even though their parents think it would be convenient.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I just met a man in his late 30s who could have been the love of my life, but I think now, though it kills me to say this, he may be a faker.

I met him online and he flew here on a business holiday. I went out with him every evening for two weeks. I am a woman of 31. One morning he said he had to fly home and fix things at the other end, so he could be with me all the time and not worry. I asked if he had to fix things with his parents, and he said, “Yes, and with my current partner, who happens to be a man at the moment, but not always. I am bisexual, or didn’t I explain that to you? Everybody is these days.” It just floated off his tongue.

He knew damn well he didn’t tell me anything. I thought by the fact he had no rings that he was single and really here to set up his new business. I asked about the business, but he said he didn’t want to waste time talking business when he was with me. Now I don’t know what’s happening. It’s like the floor is shifting beneath my feet.

When he went to his hotel to get his stuff and leave for Vancouver I was crying. He says he won’t be back for three or four weeks and to give him that space to fix things up so we can be together as a couple when he comes back. Why can’t he talk to me for four weeks, a whole month? My head is spinning. How do I figure this out? Please help.

— Played for a Fool or Not? Osborne Village

Dear Played for a Fool or Not: This man is a con artist. “Oh, I’m bisexual. Didn’t I explain that to you?” was the final proof. No one would forget that conversation if they ever had it. And he just flipped it out, so he’s cruel as well. Plus, these days, any honest man who was in love with you would be in constant communication with you. He wants four weeks of silence from you so someone on the other end won’t see your phone number, emails or texts. It doesn’t matter what the lies are, once you know he’s basically a dishonest man. Let your tears fall, and then get up and walk away from this player.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts ,c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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