Couple needs a routine for amorous adventures

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 20/08/2017 (3328 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Work is very hard right now in the hot sun. I work labour and I make a good buck doing it, but the heat sucks the energy out of me. I need a shower and a nap when I get home, but no such luck. I try to have a shower and I’m no sooner in there, than my wife is after me for sex. I just can’t do it, push her away and she goes off and sulks.

I feel guilty for not satisfying her, then there are angry words and I don’t sleep well and she goes out somewhere on her bicycle. When she gets back and I’m awake and feeling good, she’s still mad and hurt. So I snap on the TV and drink too much beer and it’s a never-ending cycle of disappointment. I don’t want to lose this marriage. It is my third time married. Help, please.

— Mr. Disappointment, St. Vital

Dear Mr. Disappointment: Life for newlyweds should be fun, although it sometimes takes a little scheduling. Make a date with your wife to make love every evening at 8 p.m. You will want to shower and eat and sleep and then get up, drink some coffee and get dressed before then. Then, turn on the music and be ready for “Amour at Eight.”

She might not be home when you first arrive after work (good, no pressure), and may already be riding her bike or seeing a friend after work for refreshments and snacks. Then she comes home for your 8 p.m. sex date. Everything now dovetails at the same time for your lovemaking sessions. Put on a fan or AC, have music set up in the bedroom, and light refreshments —drinks and fruit and cheese — on a bowl of ice, and make it a love nest. If you want to shower again after the first bout, she still gets a shower scene with you. After that you can still go out in the evening, if you want to.

That’s the workday schedule, and you can work out an entirely different one for your days off together.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sister-in-law called my wife a boring old lady today, and made her cry. My wife is 27, but she’s an old soul.

She loves to sit and knit and sing old songs from the 1940s and listen to the nostalgia radio station. She reads the news once a day in the morning, and if there’s nothing she can do about it, that’s it for bad news for the day.

She goes to work and looks after her patients and then comes home and doesn’t talk about work for longer than five or 10 minutes.

She’s extremely beautiful, very tall and slim with hair down to her bum, but she can’t defend herself from her sister, so I guess it has fallen on me to do the job.

I want to tell her off, but I don’t know what to say. Please help.

— Not A Tough Guy, Westwood

Dear Not a Tough Guy: Since your sister-in-law is a big bully, take her out in public, possibly a public gathering place like The Forks, and talk to her with people around. Tell her she really hurt her sister with her words, and you are your wife’s protector now.

Tell Mean Mouth you want to understand why she would say something hurtful, such as insulting your wife’s gentle personality by labelling her boring. Tell her the insult made your wife cry.

Explain that you married her because you love her calmness and peace-loving nature. Say you adore her, the way she is naturally. Then let her respond to that.

Finish by telling her you won’t put up with her doing anything like that to your wife again, and she is no longer fair game.

Suggest an apology, with no excuses, such as, “I’m sorry for my mean words and that I hurt you. I won’t be doing that ever again.”

She may take this advice well, or she may tell you to get lost and mind your own business, in very frank terms.

Tell her firmly that you won’t be getting lost. Something needs to be done when there is a bully going after your gentle wife.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography