Animals could fulfil desire to be nurturing parent

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This article was published 13/12/2017 (3172 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sex is my big problem. I was never sure of my preference.

I can have sex successfully with either sex. I was trained by the best — my first girlfriend was a dynamo in the sack, read lots about sex and liked to use me for experiments. Then she went off with a man who was 100 per cent straight and had kids with him. Luckily, she left town or I would still be trying to get with her.

I dated a bunch of women for a year or so who paled in comparison to her. While getting my masters at university, I finally experimented with my secret desire — other men. I met some great people and they taught me a lot, and I was fine with that. I would also see women and enjoy sex. Now I’m spoiled. I’m not one of those bisexuals who is fine with choosing one sex over the other as a life partner. They’re lucky. I want both styles, and I don’t want to shut down one side of my sexuality.

So how do I settle down and have a family? I’m in my mid-30s and can’t seem to make a commitment to one sexual lifestyle, but I do want to have a family. And I also love animals, and take very good and loving care of them. It’s just that I can’t seem to choose one partner for life. What to do?

— Man in the Middle Loses? Winnipeg

Dear Man in the Middle Loses: You have a strong need to nurture, no doubt. But do you have to settle down and marry? Does it have to be human children you nurture?

Do you have enough leisure time to satisfy the need to nurture by living on the edge of the city and having a menagerie of animals you love, even horses? It would be OK if you had changing romantic friends, as long as your partners of either sex had one thing in common: they would have to love animals, too.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m a suddenly single guy in my 40s with no kids, and I hate being alone so much. I feel kind of pathetic when I’m eating in front of the TV all alone, watching all the terrible news. I also hate eating at the kitchen table, with a book propped up. But the worst is eating over the kitchen sink like a sad and lonely loser.

I’m not a poor guy, but I don’t know what to do with myself. I am currently dating a lovely young divorced woman and she stays over Saturday nights only, when her kids are at their dad’s.

— Eating Alone Again, Sage Creek

Dear Eating Alone Again: First, find a small breakfast hangout or two. Go to one, then the other, a couple of times a week and get to know staff and regulars. Sit right up at the counter.

With the right group, it becomes like family. Buy a newspaper and read some of it first, so you can talk about the news with other people there. That way you don’t have to know each other personally to start chatting about things.

On Saturdays, take a list of errands and hit The Forks and a restaurant there for breakfast. Then do some shopping at their market stalls and pick up whatever you’ll need for your girlfriend’s sleepover, breakfast with her and for good, healthy food at home. Pick up champagne and orange juice for mimosas. You can cook breakfast or brunch for her, or side by side, and since there’s no kids around, dressing is entirely optional.

As for work-week lunches, invite people from your workplace in small groups to hit nearby restaurants, so it doesn’t look like you’re chasing anybody.

For dinner, try to see your girlfriend once during the week and pay for her meal and a babysitter. (Single moms with kids are on tight budgets.)

Also, it’s a good time to get together with old friends and relatives. Don’t forget grandma!

Anything beats eating over the sink. Stop depressing yourself with that. What cleaning are you saving — six dishes and 23 crumbs?

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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