Leaving wife following birth of child not forgivable

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 15/12/2017 (2854 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: All I want for Christmas is my wife back. I made a horrible mistake after the birth of our third child. She was too tired and sick to want to pay attention to me and my needs.

Plus she was breastfeeding every few hours, so her body was always on tap. Instead of supporting her and taking on more of the childcare and housework, I got sulky and mad at her for neglecting me and kept making her cry. She just looked at me with bleak eyes and said she couldn’t deal with another baby in the house, meaning me. I left and went to the bar.

I got what I wanted with a lonely, sympathetic single woman there and we ended up having an affair. That information got back to my wife within a month and she came to the bar where my honey and I would meet after work. My wife handed me a letter from her lawyer, and if looks could kill, my girlfriend would be dead.

My wife quit breastfeeding early, went back to work early and looked after the kids with help from a nanny.

I moved in with my girlfriend. That didn’t last long because I was still obviously in love with my ex and the kids. That relationship went down the tubes fast.

I have nothing except my job and a broken heart. My wife has a new man in her life, an old friend from her profession. I told her yesterday in a late-night phone call that I still love her and I want to fight to get her back. She told her not to bother because I kicked her when she was down, she has a new man in her life and it’s getting serious with him. What can I do now?

— World’s Biggest Fool, Winnipeg

Dear World’s Biggest Fool: You left your wife when she was tired and weak, sleep deprived and hormonal.

She needed a grown-up man to love her, support her and give her help. That is the time when even the strongest woman needs her partner to step up, but you wanted her to fulfil your sexual needs. Mature guys take care of themselves for awhile, and not by running off to the bar to look for another woman. You told her you want her back and she told you not to bother.

It’s time to get yourself to a relationship counsellor or a psychologist and work on learning the life lessons from this incident, then on healing and getting on with your life. Your role right now is to be the best father to those children you can be.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m very excited because my boyfriend from high school is coming to see his parents for two weeks for Christmas and we’re both singles at the same time. My mother knows his mom and that’s how I have the inside track on this. I would really like to see him again, alone. We had so much in common and were so crazy about each other in high school, but he was two years older and went off to pursue his dream career and moved to a different province.

I was in Grade 11 when he left, so we were doomed and broke up before Christmas that year.

He wrote me a beautiful goodbye letter, and I cried a lot for a month or two, but I got over it. Then I found someone else and it was a steady thing. His mom says his latest relationship is over now.

So how do I approach him? I don’t want to invite him to a party at our house where everybody knows us and would be watching like hawks. Any ideas? I don’t want to blow it!

— Excited Former GF, Small Town Manitoba

Dear Excited Former GF: Guys in awkward situations often talk best when they’re driving. So call him to go see something together, such as Christmas-light displays in the next big town, and then go for something to eat. Don’t prowl around your own town under watchful eyes.

Another afternoon, you could go tobogganing, which is a good excuse to hold onto each other.

Let him make some moves, too. He’s a grown-up now and should know what he wants, but if he seems to think you just want to be a good ol’ buddy, give him a Christmas kiss and rock his socks!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6