She wanted ring for Christmas, got nothing but disappointment

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This article was published 07/01/2018 (3145 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My girlfriend didn’t like anything I gave her for Christmas. She ripped through all her presents like she was looking for something else.

Finally, when that’s all there was, she went up to her room and cried. I was looking at her parents and they told me they thought she was going to get an engagement ring. I was shocked.

We had not talked about getting married. She’s a great girl and we’ve had two years of fun — more than I’ve ever given one woman — and I was sexually true the whole time.

That was hard work as I’m a popular guy and like to go out, while my girlfriend always stays at home with her parents. She hates the bar scene because that’s where she met me and seduced me.

She got me away from my old girlfriend there and she knows what it can be like. I have rarely seen her there since we became exclusive. Maybe she hopes that what she doesn’t see won’t hurt her.

Should I make a move to break up with her? I kind of expected her to give me the ultimatum, but she’s not that kind of girl. What happens now, do I keep on hurting her until she leaves me? I know she loves me, but I don’t know why. I don’t know if I love her enough to marry her. What should I do next? Please help.

— Rock and A Hard A Place, Winnipeg

Dear Rock and a Hard Place: If you don’t feel like giving her a ring at this point, even when the pressure’s on, it’s time to let her go free so she can find a man who loves her so much he’s dying to put a ring on her finger and have her be his wife and the mother of his children.

Lots of men and women want to create families with someone who feels really special. You’re not into it, at least not with this woman, so let her go so she can find her match.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new husband wants me to go to church with him and I don’t want to go. I believe in God, but not in organized religion. I went with him at Christmas and that was enough until Easter.

He said he always hoped I would come around to want to join his church community after our marriage (at his church) and pre-marriage counselling.

He never asked me about this before we were married.

His mother goes with him now, and it feels weird when he goes out the door to meet her.

My mother went to church but she didn’t force me or my dad. What are the chances he’ll stop wanting me to go to church and not be resentful?

They’re really nice people and are not a conservative congregation, but I don’t want to be there.

— Not a Church Mouse, Steinbach

Dear Not a Church Mouse: Maybe you could get interested in the social aspect if the church does charity work you are interested in, or some work with children.

Ask your mom how she feels about all the years of going to church without your dad. You might get a surprising answer. It may be more rewarding to be there without him than having to drag him.

For some couples, church is a together time and for others it’s a free time to worship as they feel.

Worrying about what other people think is a mistake.

I often wish I could see what’s in other people’s minds when I’m thinking they’re looking and being critical, but people aren’t nearly as critical as we think.

They have their own problems to worry about, like, “Did I remember to feed the dog?” or “I wonder if the problem in my body is cancer?” or “How long until this is over and I can get out to the back and hit the bathroom?” People in crowds don’t think about us nearly as much as we imagine!

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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