Moving in together was easy; kicking her out a hassle

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 06/01/2018 (3194 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I tried to kick my girlfriend out of my apartment, but she refuses to go. She moved in with me in the fall, but she’s not on the lease.

She turned out to be a wino and a slob, and never helps with any bills. She is so immature, I feel like a replacement parent. She has a job at a restaurant and makes good tips.

She found out about my new female interest at a New Year’s Eve party when she saw us kissing at midnight, and said she wasn’t going to move out just so another girl could move in.

Last night, she got home and jumped into bed first and locked the bedroom door on me so I had to sleep on the couch.

It’s my apartment and my lease. What should I do? I get along OK with her brothers and her parents. I know they think she’s a pain in the butt too, but they love her.

She has only been away from home four months, and they were relieved when she left. — Exasperated Almost Ex-BF, Winnipeg

Dear Exasperated Almost Ex-BF: First, why did you complicate things by demonstrating your interest in a new woman at the party? You needed to be a decent human being and end the relationship before starting another one.

Move this many-pronged problem along by asking her where she wants to move — a friend’s house or her parents’ place — because she obviously has to move on now. Offer to pay for her first month’s rent at a friend’s place to sweeten the deal.

Also, call her parents and get them involved. Tell them that if she can’t find another place to go to, you want to send her back with her stuff. Tell them exactly why and mention that she has a drinking problem and needs help.

If she doesn’t have a key to her parents’ home anymore, ask them to call her and offer her one and mention that you will send over her belongings at your own expense.

She could make a fuss about all this, but as you pointed out, she’s not on the lease and it’s time to go.

You can get the locks changed at your place after she’s gone, but you simply can’t leave her out in the cold.

It’s a big mistake to invite someone to live with you after a very short time. Moving in is easy and involves a night or two of work and a passionate welcome. Getting someone out who’s resisting is a lot more complicated and may take a few weeks.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: After spending a two-week holiday in Kenora with my sweetheart, I came back to Winnipeg to my work and my life here. It’s so boring. I miss Kenora, my lover, his neighbours and friends I got to know.

I want to get closer to my partner, but he has his job, sports and a life there, and I’m 200 kilometres away.

I would like to find a job there and get closer to him naturally over time, but how do I approach this? Would this be encroaching on his privacy?

I’m thinking of buying or renting a place there and have the money saved to do it.

How do you ask someone if you can move to their town/city for this purpose, or do you even have to ask? Maybe I should surprise him! — Itching to Move to Kenora, Winnipeg

Dear Itching to Move to Kenora: Buying or renting a place and showing up for your new job there without talking to him about it is more than a little creepy. Whatever you do, don’t surprise him.

Mentioning ahead of time, as a feeler, that you are interested in moving to Kenora is a lot less threatening than something like, “I want to move to Kenora to see if we will get closer and work out or not.”

Do you really have to make the move right now? It’s only a few hours driving and regular visits would be more natural than if you suddenly moved into town.

Check out the letter above about a too-hasty move and how that ended up.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Last week, I got undressed, got under the covers and cuddled up behind my husband, only to find he had this contraption around his waist — it was a garter belt! He was dressed in ladies’ black underwear and stockings.

I asked him what he was doing, and he said he was just experimenting. “I think they’re sexy. Let’s try them out,” he said. So we did.

It was freaky enough to be very exciting for both of us and yet he doesn’t want to do it again. Why? It was his idea. — Ready For Round No. 2, Westwood

Dear Ready For Round No. 2: Sexual experiments can be fun for just one time, or for more.

Maybe it’s your turn to initiate an experiment. Is there anything you have always wanted to try, maybe once or maybe repeatedly?

Take a trip to a sex shop together for some ideas and come home with a new toy or two and possibly a how-to experiment book, and maybe you’ll both get your buzz on.

 

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6