Son’s girlfriend’s noticed dad’s roaming eyes

Opinion

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 08/01/2018 (2830 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My son’s girlfriend has an attractive big, round behind and I am having trouble keeping my eyes off it when they come over to visit. I thought she didn’t notice, but last night she said to me eyeball to eyeball, “Stop staring at my butt or I’m going to tell your son and we will never be back. He might even punch you before we go.” I was so shocked and scared — I love my son — that I didn’t even deny it. I just kept saying, “No problem. No problem.” I’m divorced and don’t have a woman in my life at the moment. What do you suggest I do to get this worry off my back? I feel like I’m walking a tightrope and she is the one who could shake that rope and I’ll fall to the ground. Please help!

— Guilty As Charged, St. Vital

Dear Guilty As Charged: It would probably help to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist about your obsession with big, round bottoms and the leering that you do. It will also help, when you’re ready, to find a new lady friend who has a pleasing rear-view (to you). Now, just stop leering at women for any reason! Leering can be felt by women across a room, so don’t think you can casually do it and hide it.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m in my late 20s and single. My only “girlfriend” is an older woman. I met her before she retired from being an escort. I fell in love with her after she taught me all the ropes in terms of making love. I was not a good-looking man, but she taught me about losing weight, going to the gym, getting nice haircuts and buying nice clothes. I come from a wealthy family and have education, a business and my own money. There was also an inheritance from my grandparents in my early 20s. They loved me and were worried for me as a teenager because I was hard-up for friends and entertainment. Suddenly, I changed in so many positive ways — thanks to their money. I love this woman and would like to marry her now that she has retired from the escort business, but she has other plans. She doesn’t want children or a wealthy person’s social life. Recently, I really pushed the marriage issue and she told me she had her tubes tied and had a private lover all along. It’s a woman, and that’s who she will retire with. I am broken-hearted. She was everything to me. How do I get past this and make a life?

— Lost Without Her, Winnipeg

Dear Lost Without Her: Consider this pro your teacher and do what she would want you to do — function well in the world outside her personal class. Use what she taught you to search for a wife in the outside world. You might talk to her about what kind of woman she thinks would suit you, plus how and where to find such a person. It’s not like you’re used to having a lot of ladies in your social or sex life, so you won’t be spoiled for marriage and exclusivity.

Tell her the best way she can mend your heart is to get you ready to find a loving wife.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My wife is driving me crazy with her drinking. She’s always slightly drunk — not that anyone else would notice it. But I can see it immediately in the careful ways she speaks so as not to slur, in the way she walks into the room but then needs to hang onto a chair back. Then there’s the times she acts too intelligently, as if that can hide the fact she’s quietly plastered. I am sick to death of drunks. I tried to rescue my drunk of a mother, and now I’ve ended up with someone just like her except she’s better at the game. I feel like just walking out of here, but I love her. If she was ready to quit drinking, I would have some hope. But I know a drunk when I see one. I tried — hell, everybody tried — to help my mom stop. But she just drank and no one could rescue her.

— Same Trap, Tuxedo

Dear Same Trap: Your secondary career in social work is over. This is the year to stop doing more of what doesn’t work, especially in your attempts to rescue another woman from the drink. If you love her, but truly can’t bear being married to her, then it’s time to walk. Leave her the pamphlets and phone numbers for the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba, Alcoholics Anonymous and different rehabs.

See a lawyer and accountant to protect your interests in your house, properties and investments. Start thinking about where you’d like to make a home — and we’re not talking about some sterile, white apartment that will soon send you running back to your home with your wife.

When your wife sees you’re finally acting on the knowledge that she’s an alcoholic who’s pretending to be sober, she may finally have a good look at herself, talk to friends, see counsellors and decide what she’s going to do to get you back. Or she’ll sigh with relief, live her life as an alcoholic and leave her bottles out on the table. Maybe she will even see if she can find someone who is OK with her drinking — probably another drinker. Would you consider that a backfire of your plan, or breathe your own sigh of relief? You could look at it this way: it takes the responsibility off you. She’s not alone if she gets really sick and needs help, but she’s not driving you crazy anymore.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6