Marriage in toilet after husband’s ‘plumbing’ job

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This article was published 02/02/2018 (3166 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I was utterly shocked when I found out my husband had been going to our old neighbourhood to see our former female neighbour. The new person who lives in our old house ran into me at Polo Park and talked about what a nice guy my husband was to be helping our single neighbour out with her plumbing.

My husband is not a plumber, though he has been known to stray. He hadn’t said one word about his visits over there, but he has been away a lot of weekend afternoons, so last weekend I went scouting. I found his truck in the back lane and completely soaped his windows so he couldn’t make a getaway. I walked up to her back door and banged. No one answered. I tried the door and it was locked. I waited down the lane. He came out to drive away, but couldn’t.

We’re living on two different floors of the house now and I want to know how long this has been going on, but he won’t say. — Living in Limbo, Fort Garry

Dear Living in Limbo: If your husband was innocent of cheating with your former neighbour when you lived next door, he would have said so, but he couldn’t lie without turning purple, so he’s just hoping you’ll hang onto your doubts. I’m guessing the person who let the cat out of the bag in the mall has plenty more to say.

You haven’t kicked your straying husband out. That indicates you don’t want to break up, so make an appointment with a marriage counsellor right after you squeeze the mall chatterbox for all the information you can get.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: The only time my husband is dying for sex is when he can’t have it. When I’m at home — waiting and willing — he acts like he has every other chance in the world and he doesn’t have to bother doing all that work. (He likes to be dominant in the bedroom with big production scenes.)

When I’m out of commission, or out of town on a sales trip, he just can’t seem to want me enough. We’ve been married two years, and he’s all talk and no action. He doesn’t like the work of being the dominant one, setting the scene and dressing up, but he can’t stand the idea of being the submissive. I think he’s too lazy to be who he thinks he wants to be. If he were playing my submissive, I would tell him exactly what to do and all he would have to do is perform.

Now I’m wondering if he really isn’t into sex. In other aspects of his life, he’s basically a lazy guy. Maybe in this area, too? I would have known this before marrying him if we lived together first, but he is too religious to go for that. What now? I don’t think I can stay married this way. — Full of Passion, Wolseley

Dear Full of Passion: It looks like you and your lazy man are going to have to forget the fancy BDSM sex life and settle for easy-peasy affectionate sex, which doesn’t require much thinking, planning, set-pieces or drama, but still involves affection and orgasms.

If you love this guy, then some kind of regular sex needs to be part of your lives and you and he may have to save the dramatics for special occasions.

Even a lazy guy with some aspirations to dominate will find himself energetic once in a while. How much do you care about playing BDSM power games? Experts say the frequency of satisfying sex is more important for a long-lasting marriage than the fancy moves. Could a decent amount of straight-up sex be enough for you?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: There’s an old saying that if you hear hoof beats, you should look for horses, not zebras. (In the medical world, a zebra is a slang word for a rare disease or condition.) This husband in a recent column who called himself Don’t Want to Beg said his wife came home in strange clothes, looking sheepish. A reader wrote in and offered that she could have been assaulted. (Miss L. had guessed it as an affair of some kind.) You’re a very kind and trusting person to then offer that assault idea as a possibility to her cuckolded husband.

The hoof beats are obvious. He should stop rationalizing her behaviour, wrap her lunch in a road map and be done with her. — Faithful Reader, Winnipeg

Dear Faithful Reader: She could also have been visiting a woman who’s taller than she is, not necessarily a man.

There are many other scenarios rather than cheating or being assaulted that could have caused her to come home in another person’s clothes, but this woman kept her mouth shut.

Nobody knows except her, so she probably played the right card for her.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

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