Rejected engagement ring sparks memories, regrets

Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 04/02/2018 (3119 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I came across my old engagement ring and started to cry. I gave that young man up for no reason but immaturity on my part. I was too young, at 21, to marry anyone. My boyfriend was much more mature. He had been working to help support his family since his dad died, and was ready to support his own wife and family by the time he was 26.

I said no, and watched his chin jut out and the tears slide down his cheeks. I loved him, but I wanted to go travelling and kick up my heels in Paris and Rome. We broke up.

I went to Europe with a couple of girlfriends, and we had a so-so time. I slept with a couple of guys over six months, mostly because I was lonely and they were novel with cute accents. My great European dream was a mediocre experience at best, and I was glad to go home at the end of the summer.

My ex-boyfriend was still heartbroken and said he would take me back, but he had one condition. He asked me if I had slept with anybody else. I admitted I had and asked him if he had been with anyone while I was away. He said he hadn’t because he was still in love with me. That was it, and it was over for good. I couldn’t blame him for that. I tried to give him the ring back, but he didn’t take it, and he left.

He got married two years later. I got married at the age of 28, and the marriage has been a disappointment. I loved my first guy much more than my husband, and we divorced. We didn’t have any kids.

When I found the little engagement ring again today, I cried for the loss of that innocent love. Today, on a whim, I looked my first love up on Facebook and saw he was no longer married. I want to get in touch. Should I?

— Inviting Rejection? Brandon

Dear Inviting Rejection: Go for it! Why not get in touch? The worst he can do is ignore you or tell you to get lost. The best result might be he contacts you and you establish a friendship, or even more. You broke his heart years ago, but you didn’t technically cheat on him, as you were free. He was still mourning the loss of you and didn’t sleep with anyone else. But now, years later, this may all seem long ago and forgivable. It’s really worth contacting him, as it has been a forever love, in a way. Please write back and let us know how it goes.

Dear Readers: The letter below is in response to the husband whose wife came home in someone else’s T-shirt and jeans, looking sheepish and refusing to talk about it. The husband, Miss L. and other readers believed she was having an affair with someone else, while another reader thought she may have been sexually assaulted and gotten clothes elsewhere. Now there’s another theory:

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: If a husband had come home in women’s clothing, wouldn’t some people theorize that there could be some gender fluidity, such as cross-dressing, as opposed to assuming he was cheating? Perhaps this person is curious, or discovering they are non-binary, or perhaps on a journey that could culminate in transitioning. Perhaps they had been in a safe place, at a party, dancing, exploring being in a different skin, but couldn’t reveal/explain that yet. If true, this could easily be something that the person was not ready to talk about, especially if they’re not clear in their own mind yet. While some couples can navigate gender fluidity or transition, many can’t. They wouldn’t want to open up the discussion unless they were sure. The incident described could easily be this.

— Sincerely, AMG

Dear AMG: Because both sexes wear jeans and T-shirts for casual wear, guessing which sex the clothes belonged to in the first place remains a question. What else remains is this: something happened, the woman came home in someone else’s clothes and was seen by her husband. Clearly, she wasn’t expecting him to be there as she wasn’t ready to talk. When questioned about the clothing, she wouldn’t say anything. Unless she talks, the mystery remains. It’s only fair to him to have an answer.

Please send your questions and comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Miss Lonelyhearts
Advice Columnist

   Read full biography